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Does the educational success of a person depend on the teacher or it the attitude of the student? v.2

Does the educational success of a person depend on the teacher or it the attitude of the student? v. 2
The teacher plays a prominent factor in a child's life for making them responsible and intellectual individual. Some people believe that academic success of a student depends on the tutor while, others think that person's attitude matter. In this essay I am going to shed light on the both views. Those who favour in an argument of the student's attitude come forward and say that not only in the academic, but in all other factors of life the way we look at the problems which is matter the most. The famous quote applies here, "where there is a will, there is way". They also argue that nowadays besides tutor, students have books, online tutorials and lectures that could help them achieving educational success. For instance, in India there is a cut throat competition for civil service exam, and it is often observed that students who come from rural areas, secure top positions. Moreover, parents, friends and other relatives also motivate, guide and give advice pupils in the academic studies. On the other hand, some people say that teachers know their students better than any other. They also add that tutors can provide guidance, assessment tests, study materials, tips for related subject and so on, which help them in their studies. Therefore, in the child's life, after parents, teachers come in the second place. Furthermore, tutors know their pupils, weak and strong points, and they can treat them accordingly their capabilities. In conclusion, I do admit that teachers provide necessary guidance, tips and related notes, but I strongly agree with the notion student's attitude which hold paramount position to achieving academic success.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
plays a prominent factor in a child's life for making them responsible and intellectual individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
success of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tutor
while, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that person's attitude matter. In this essay I am going to shed light on the both views.

Those who
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
in an argument of the student's attitude
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward and say that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors of life the way we look at the problems which is matter the most. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
quote applies here,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
where there is a will, there is way
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. They
also
argue that nowadays
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tutor
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have books, online tutorials and lectures that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
The verb 'lectures' is used with an infinitive: "to achieve" or "achieve".
achieving
educational success.
For instance
, in India there is a
'cut throat' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "cut-throat".
cut throat
competition for civil service exam, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from rural areas, secure top positions.
Moreover
, parents, friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
relatives
also
motivate, guide and give advice pupils in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
studies.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
better than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tutors
can provide guidance, assessment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
, study materials, tips for related subject and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their studies.
Therefore
, in the child's life, after parents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in the second place.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tutors
know their pupils, weak and strong points, and they can treat them
accordingly
their capabilities.

In conclusion
, I do admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
provide necessary guidance, tips and related notes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion student's attitude which hold paramount position to achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
success.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Does the educational success of a person depend on the teacher or it the attitude of the student? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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