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More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v.7

More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v. 7
Having children and growing them up is a tedious task. There are parents that have a different perspective to it. Some prefer it earlier and some at a later stage. Especially, today's parent are more focused on concentrating on a career and proper planning before they think about a child. Let's see some points that butt rests the fact. Gradual growth by country, not only the living expense has been increased, but also people are more inclined to their career. Indeed, as a child needs complete support both financially and socially. For example, let's consider two families have their child at different stages of their life, one at earlier and another at a later stage. First family didn't get the sufficient time for planning nor time for gathering capital, adding to their own expense they had to take care of their children. Moreover, they weren't able to focus on their careers and had to devote their fraction of time to their child. The growth became stagnant and had to live a mediocre life. Unlike the other family, with adequate time and planning, they were able to focus their early stage of life to their career growth in addition to that became financially strong. Comparing both families, having a child or children, it completely depends on their own, but being a responsible citizen, with growing population and lack of our centre of attraction to our career, not only put us in jeopardy but also our children. For example, some countries like China have taken steps for controlling the birth of children, by fixing it 1 for each family. Being wise and considering both child's and their own career will bring prosperity to both country and their own family.
Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and growing them up is a tedious task. There are parents that have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective to it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
prefer it earlier and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
at a later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
.
Especially
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's parent are more focused on concentrating on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and proper planning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points that butt rests the fact.

Gradual growth by country, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the living expense has
been increased
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more inclined to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Indeed
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
needs complete support both
financially
and
socially
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's consider two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
of their life, one at earlier and another at a later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
.
First
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for planning nor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for gathering capital, adding to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
expense they had to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, they weren't able to focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
and had to devote their fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. The growth became stagnant and had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a mediocre life. Unlike the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, with adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and planning, they were able to focus their early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of life to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
growth
in addition
to that became
financially
strong.

Comparing both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it completely depends on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being a responsible citizen, with growing population and lack of our
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of attraction to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
put us in jeopardy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries like China have taken steps for controlling the birth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, by fixing it 1 for each family.

Being wise and considering both
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "childs"?
child's
and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
will bring prosperity to both country and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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