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More people are spending their free time watching movies, why is this? Is it a good or bad? v.2

More people are spending their free time watching movies, why is this? Is it a good or bad? v. 2
At present, many people are watching movies in their leisure time, due to easy accessibility as well as it required less cost when compare to other activities such as Golf, billiards, etc. In the following passage, I will illustrate some causes for this trend and share my opinion with suitable example. Of late, many mobile applications like Amazon prime and Netflix provide latest movies with variety of genres, which enables people to watch their favourite films easily. Additionally, the increased internet speed help many people to watch movies instantly through their mobile phones and laptops are considered to be another important reason. Similarly, currently many movie makers understand the current taste of people, and produce movies with interesting topics such as political drama and thrillers, which would encourage more people to watch during their leisure time. Thus, it has been considered that easy availability and movies based on current trend, aids more people to watch movies in their free time. Because of this trend, many people tend to lose their social life significantly, which reduce their interaction with family members, friends and neighbours. Moreover, some youngsters are becoming obese by watching movies for long hours, which reduces their time for personal fitness routines. For instance, my friend' s kid watches movies in his vacation time and currently he is suffering due to over weight. More over, people are forgetting to learn carrier skills, which would help their career instead wasting their leisure time by watching films. In conclusion, people watching movies in their leisure time is a bad trend, which could wisely, used for learning other vital skills from career perspective. Both parent and teachers should foster children to use free time to involve in various sports activities, which will help them to stay fit.
At present,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, due to easy accessibility
as well
as it required less cost when compare to other activities such as Golf, billiards, etc. In the following passage, I will illustrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
and share my opinion with suitable example.

Of late,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mobile applications like
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Amazon prime
and Netflix provide
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
with variety of genres, which enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
films
easily
.
Additionally
, the increased internet speed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
instantly
through their mobile phones and laptops
are considered
to be another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason.
Similarly
,
currently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
makers understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
with interesting topics such as political drama and thrillers, which would encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Thus
, it has
been considered
that easy availability and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
based on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
, aids more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in their free time.

Because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to lose their social life
significantly
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their interaction with family members, friends and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters are becoming obese by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
for long hours, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for personal fitness routines.
For instance
, my
Possible spelling mistake found.
friend&
#039; s kid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in his vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
currently
he is suffering due to over weight. More over,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forgetting to learn carrier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their career
instead
wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by watching films.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
, which could
wisely
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for learning other vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from career perspective. Both parent and teachers should foster children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to involve in various sports activities, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to stay fit.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay More people are spending their free time watching movies, why is this? Is it a good or bad? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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