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Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.8

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 8
Few decades ago, in most of the countries men were dominating in all industries such as government administration, business leaders and space research sectors. However, at present women are occupying top roles in various organizations, on the other side, some people assume men are more competitive than women. In my opinion, I strongly disagree to this thought, women perform extremely well in professional and educational exams when compare to men. Also, of late women are occupying top roles in various government and private companies, which shows they outperform men in many aspects. Firstly, every year when government declare public exam results, women attain top 3 positions then compare to men. For instance, the recently concluded all India Chartered exams results show that top 5 ranks are attained by women, which signifies that they more competitive than men. Most importantly, patience is the key in the competitive world, where women possess more patience than men, which help them to take wise decision during crucial situations. Additionally, they also have never give up attitude which helps them to work hard to reach the goals. Secondly, balancing personal and professional life are key for any working professionals. Many researchers suggest men are not capable in managing life than women. For example, current defence minister MRS. Nirmal Seetharaman does fantastic job in assigned responsibilities, where many important leaders have appreciated her decisioning skill during conflicts with neighbouring countries. Finally, women perform smart work when compare to men, which help them complete the assigned duties more efficiently than men. Late chief minister, Miss Jayalalitha considered to be as iron lady for her administrating capabilities. Thus, it has been assumed based on the above facts, women are more competitive than men in every aspect. In conclusion, mental endurance and relentless hard work are key attributes of competitive nature, where many women leaders have shown such skills in their duties for these reasons, I certainly believe women are more competitive than men.
Few decades ago, in most of the countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were dominating in all industries such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
administration, business leaders and space research sectors.
However
, at present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are occupying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
roles in various organizations, on the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. In my opinion, I
strongly
disagree to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
perform
extremely
well in professional and educational exams when compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Also
, of late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are occupying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
roles in various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
they outperform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.

Firstly
, every year when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "declares".
declare
public exam results,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
attain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
3 positions then compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
For instance
, the recently concluded all India Chartered exams results
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
5 ranks
are attained
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, which signifies that they more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Most
importantly
, patience is the key in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
world, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
possess more patience than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to take wise decision during crucial situations.
Additionally
, they
also
have never give up attitude which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reach the goals.

Secondly
, balancing personal and professional life are key for any working professionals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
researchers suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are not capable in managing life than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
minister MRS.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nirmal
Possible spelling mistake found.
Seetharaman
does fantastic job in assigned responsibilities, where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
leaders have appreciated her decisioning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
during conflicts with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
countries.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
perform smart work when compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them complete the assigned duties more
efficiently
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Late chief minister, Miss
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jayalalitha
considered to be as iron lady for her administrating capabilities.
Thus
, it has
been assumed
based on the above facts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in every aspect.

In conclusion
, mental endurance and relentless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work are key attributes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
nature, where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
leaders have shown such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in their duties for these reasons, I
certainly
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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