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More people are spending their free time viewing movies, why is this? Is it ​good or bad? v.1

More people are spending their free time viewing movies, why is this? Is it ​good or bad? v. 1
Watching films is becoming favorite past time for numerous people nowadays which is mainly due to inexpensive applications and ease of accessibility which in turns leads to social and health-related consequences. There are numerous reasons for people to watch movies in their leisure time. To begin with, sundry mobile and web applications such as Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hot-star to name but a few, provide latest movies and shows with a greater diversity of genres, irrespective of any language barrier. Moreover, the all-time availability of contents online makes people addicted to watching their favorites repeatedly. Another reason is the high-speed internet data and hassle-free connectivity that aids to watch films promptly Subsequently, several producers understand the current taste of common masses, and thereby, produces movies with interesting topics, for instance, political drama, thrillers and real life-threatening incidents, which attracts more people to watch during their recess time. Watching movies is considered to be a passive activity to spend valuable time. Because of this drift towards movies, people tend to lose their social life significantly, which reduces their interaction with family members, friends, and neighbors and as a consequence, people among local communities are no longer forming a close and supportive relationship. Another detrimental outcome of watching movies for long hours is rising obesity in youngsters making them lethargic and typically apathetic towards any potential physical endeavor. As an illustration, every 1 in 5 children in the US is obese owing to inactive actions like watching movies or series in their vacation period. To summarize, watching movies in the leisure period has an overall deleterious impact on people as it is a worthless activity. Hence, screen time should be diminished, and leisure time should be utilized for more productive purposes.
Watching films is becoming favorite past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays which is
mainly
due to inexpensive applications and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of accessibility which in turns leads to social and health-related consequences.

There are numerous reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, sundry mobile and web applications such as Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hot-star to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few, provide
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
with a greater diversity of genres, irrespective of any language barrier.
Moreover
, the all-time availability of contents online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
addicted to watching their favorites
repeatedly
. Another reason is the high-speed internet data and hassle-free connectivity that aids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films
promptly
Subsequently
, several producers understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
taste of common masses, and thereby, produces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
with interesting topics,
for instance
, political drama, thrillers and real life-threatening incidents, which attracts more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
during their recess time.

Watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is considered
to be a passive activity to spend valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Because of this
drift towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to lose their social life
significantly
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their interaction with family members, friends, and neighbors and as a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
among local communities are no longer forming a close and supportive relationship. Another detrimental outcome of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
for long hours is rising obesity in youngsters making them lethargic and
typically
apathetic towards any potential physical endeavor. As an illustration, every 1 in 5 children in the US is obese owing to inactive actions like watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or series in their vacation period.

To summarize
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in the leisure period has an
overall
deleterious impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it is a worthless activity.
Hence
, screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be diminished
, and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be utilized
for more productive purposes.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay More people are spending their free time viewing movies, why is this? Is it ​good or bad? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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