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Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to acquire more knowledge, while other people believe they should learn a small number of subjects in details. Discuss both views and give your opinions. v.1

Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to acquire more knowledge, while other people believe they should learn a small number of subjects in details. v. 1
A frequent debated topic whether children at school should be provided with a large number of subjects. While many people advocate it, I would contend that focusing much more on a narrow program of practical subjects is better, as will now be discussed. On the one hand, there are those who claim that it is necessary to have courses having many subjects. Firstly, when accessing to a comprehensive learning programme with a wide range of subjects, children have more opportunities to develop their passion for a particular field. This helps children to grow thoroughly in almost aspects of life, paying the way for society to have more musicians, writers and painters. Secondly, small students are likely too young to define their career paths for life correctly at first, so teaching them a small number of subjects may limit their options for their future jobs. On the other hand, I side with those who support the idea that learning hands – on subjects is better. Primarily, only spending a large amount of time studying practical subjects means that huge pressure of leaning jobs- irrelevant subjects will be put aside when they take exams. In addition, students certainly will have more time to concentrate on practical subjects, so they may be equipped with in - depth knowledge of their chosen career before entering labour market. For example, many children in Vietnam develop their interests in Computer Science at their early age, which allows them to have better understanding of Information technology and act as catalyst for their good head start when applying for IT companies. In conclusion, I hold the view that schools’ curriculum based on a few practical subjects is praised for its contribution to more jobs opportunities when students finish studying despite the advantages of an education program with a variety of subjects.
A frequent debated topic whether
children
at school should
be provided
with
a large number of
subjects
. While
many
people
advocate it, I would contend that focusing much more on a narrow program of
practical
subjects
is better, as will
now
be discussed
.

On the one hand, there are those who claim that it is necessary to have courses having
many
subjects
.
Firstly
, when accessing to a comprehensive learning
programme
with a wide range of
subjects
,
children
have more opportunities to develop their passion for a particular field. This
helps
children
to grow
thoroughly
in almost aspects of life, paying the way for society to have more musicians, writers and painters.
Secondly
,
small
students are likely too young to define their career paths for life
correctly
at
first
,
so
teaching them a
small
number of
subjects
may limit their options for their future jobs.

On the other hand
, I side with those who support the
idea
that learning hands
on
subjects
is better.
Primarily
,
only
spending a large amount of time studying
practical
subjects
means that huge pressure of leaning jobs- irrelevant
subjects
will
be put
aside when they take exams.
In addition
, students
certainly
will have more time to concentrate on
practical
subjects
,
so
they may
be equipped
with in
-
depth knowledge of their chosen career
before
entering
labour
market.
For example
,
many
children
in Vietnam develop their interests in Computer Science at their early age, which
allows
them to have better understanding of Information technology and act as catalyst for their
good
head
start
when applying for IT
companies
.

In conclusion
, I hold the view that schools’ curriculum based on a few
practical
subjects
is praised
for its contribution to more jobs opportunities when students finish studying despite the advantages of an education program with a variety of
subjects
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to acquire more knowledge, while other people believe they should learn a small number of subjects in details. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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