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More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas? v.2

More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas? v. 2
With the unprecedented growth of population in many countries around the world today, residential needs are growing. Some people may argue that it is better to build houses in existing cities while others opine that the countryside would be better for this. In my opinion, both options have their merits and demerits and the government should consider them both. On the one hand, expansion of existing cities is a good idea as they are already functioning and have many proper infrastructures. For instance, electricity connection and water supply can be easily installed for newly build homes. If more people join this group, there won't be any discomfort. In fact, they will also contribute towards the development and economic growth of that area by serving and paying taxes. Therefore, this would be a cheaper, easier and more convenient way of accommodating the growing population. However, there would be many harsh problems namely traffic congestion, air pollution and scarcity of public resources. At the same time, the government should be alert to regional imbalances caused by the growing development gap between urban and rural area. On the other hand, by developing new towns in rural areas government can improve the economy of the country since this trend has a positive impact on the local people by providing more job opportunities and bringing incomes for local people. Moreover, it would be a potent motivation for affluent people to invest money on these building projects. In addition, the creation of new small towns will discourage people from migrating to big cities and alleviate all aspects of problems in metropolitan cities. However, this may also lead to the occupation of agricultural production resources, which will have a negative impact on the agricultural economy. For example, China's cultivated land area has been reduced in recent years because of its urban construction, and agricultural production is facing unprecedented challenges. In conclusion, I believe that the problem of building houses for the increasing population can be tackled by expanding existing cities and constructing new towns. In either case, it is important for the government to ensure that adequate facilities are in place before cities are expanded or built.
With the unprecedented growth of population in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, residential needs are growing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may argue that it is better to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
while others opine that the countryside would be better for this. In my opinion, both options have their merits and demerits and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should consider them both.

On the one hand, expansion of existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as they are already functioning and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
proper infrastructures.
For instance
, electricity connection and water supply can be
easily
installed for
newly
build homes. If more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
this group, there won't be any discomfort. In fact, they will
also
contribute towards the development and economic growth of that area by serving and paying taxes.
Therefore
, this would be a cheaper, easier and more convenient way of accommodating the growing population.
However
, there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
harsh problems
namely
traffic congestion, air pollution and scarcity of public resources. At the same time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be alert to regional imbalances caused by the growing development gap between urban and rural area.

On the other hand
, by developing new towns in rural
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "areas'" or "area's"?
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of the country since this trend has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by providing more job opportunities and bringing incomes for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, it would be a potent motivation for affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to invest money on these building projects.
In addition
, the creation of new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns will discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from migrating to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and alleviate all aspects of problems in metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
However
, this may
also
lead to the occupation of agricultural production resources, which will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the agricultural economy.
For example
, China's cultivated land area has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in recent years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its urban construction, and agricultural production is facing unprecedented challenges.

In conclusion
, I believe that the problem of building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for the increasing population can
be tackled
by expanding existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and constructing new towns. In either case, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to ensure that adequate facilities are in place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are expanded
or built.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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