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More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas? v.1

More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas? v. 1
The population around the globe is on a steep rise. It is believed that for managing the expanding population, a number of new houses in the countryside areas are needed, to which I have dissenting views. On one hand, if the people get shifted to rural areas then numerous problems will arise. The foremost being, the calm and serene environment of these unmediated places will get disturbed, in turn, affecting the public living in these places. Moreover, the land which is used for raising cattles and farming will get depleted; as a consequence, the problem of food scarcity may arise in the future. Additionally, these remote areas cover sizeable forest lands, which are home to a number of wildlife species. Destruction of these areas will ultimately affect their natural habitat. For instance, a study has shown that the wild animals such as hares in Australia are on the verge of extinction because of decreasing agricultural land, which is their main source of food. On the other hand, the government can introduce various solutions so as to accommodate the rise in population in the Towns and cities. Firstly, for making new houses, instead of farmland, barren lands must be used. Secondly, new multi-storey building projects must be approved in order to shelter more population in rather congested areas. Last but not the least, the governing bodies must lay emphasis on promoting apartments in the cities rather than allotting big houses and bungalows to a single family, which will help in dwelling a larger number of families. To illustrate this, the government of China has restricted the purchase of land to a smaller number in order to cope with the increasing population in the country. To conclude, in my opinion, the peaceful surroundings offered by the farming area must be kept intact and the innovative solutions of coping up with the population growth must be introduced.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
around the globe is on a steep rise. It
is believed
that for managing the expanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in the countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are needed
, to which I have dissenting views.

On one hand, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
shifted to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
then numerous problems will arise. The foremost being, the calm and serene environment of these unmediated places will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disturbed, in turn, affecting the public living in these places.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for raising
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "cattle", the plural form of the noun 'cattle'?
cattles
and farming will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depleted; as a consequence, the problem of food scarcity may arise in the future.
Additionally
, these remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
cover sizeable forest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
, which are home to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of wildlife species. Destruction of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will
ultimately
affect their natural habitat.
For instance
, a study has shown that the wild animals such as hares in Australia are on the verge of extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of decreasing agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
, which is their main source of food.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can introduce various solutions
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
accommodate the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in the Towns and cities.
Firstly
, for making new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
instead
of farmland, barren
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Secondly
, new
Possible spelling mistake found.
multi-storey
building projects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be approved
in order to shelter more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
rather
congested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, the governing bodies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
lay emphasis on promoting apartments in the cities
rather
than allotting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and bungalows to a single family, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in dwelling a larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of families. To illustrate this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of China has restricted the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
to a smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in order to cope with the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in the country.

To conclude
, in my opinion, the peaceful surroundings offered by the farming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
intact and the innovative solutions of coping up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be introduced
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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