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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1
As a result of the growth of supermarkets in some countries, many local businesses have died out. Some people argue that without local business, local communities will not exist. In my opinion, even though the closure of regional enterprises may bring some difficulties to the local community, it will not endanger their existence. Lack of traditional retail stores in a locality may pose some problems to the local population. People have to travel to the nearest shopping center to get the items. It is a more expensive and time consuming activity compared to getting the items from local shops. In addition to this, in case of any emergency, when people do not have much time to waste to get the item, lack of local shops may put them in more trouble. For example, if some visitors turn up unexpectedly, the presence of small stores nearby will help people to treat them adequately. Even though local population have to encounter certain difficulties due to the lack of small retail stores, it will not affect their existence. In the modern society, there are many supermarkets and shopping malls in all towns and cities. And also, people love to travel to these places and enjoy their shopping. In fact, in the current society, people prefer to buy items from supermarkets and shopping malls as these places offer many facilities such as cinema halls and restaurants for people to enjoy. Cheap transportation modes are also available to go to nearby shopping centers. In conclusion, although the closure of regional shops may affect the local population negatively to a small extent, it will not threaten their existence.
As a result
of the growth of supermarkets in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
out.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
business,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities will not exist. In my opinion,
even though
the closure of regional enterprises may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community, it will not endanger their existence.

Lack of traditional retail stores in a locality may pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
population.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel to the nearest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
. It is a more expensive and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
activity compared to getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops.
In addition
to this, in case of any emergency, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have much time to waste to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops may put them in more trouble.
For example
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
visitors turn up
unexpectedly
, the presence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stores nearby will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to treat them
adequately
.

Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
encounter certain difficulties due to the lack of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
retail stores, it will not affect their existence. In the modern society, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
supermarkets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls in all towns and cities. And
also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to travel to these places and enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. In fact, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
from supermarkets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls as these places offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities such as cinema halls and restaurants for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Cheap
transportation modes are
also
available to go to nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers.

In conclusion
, although the closure of regional shops may affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
population
negatively
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
extent, it will not threaten their existence.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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