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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. v. 2
Obesity is a serious issue often ignored by most people. An Increase in the number of obese children in the strongest economies of the world is of growing concern. This essay will discuss few causes and effects of this pressing situation. Firstly, the major reason for gaining weight is imbalanced diet. Fast paced work culture has changed our food habits, and often kids are served with fast foods with high fat content. Moreover, vegetables and fruits are becoming least favourite of children. According to the world health organization, six of every ten children are obese in the developed countries, and imbalanced diet was one among the other reasons. Sadly, gaining a lot of weight at a very young age may cause chronic diseases. The government agencies must take necessary actions to increase public awareness about healthy diet and arrange a good balanced diet in schools. Secondly, sedentary lifestyle of young people due to modern electronics, decrease the physical activity, while increasing the body weight. Easy access to electronics such as smart phones, tablets and computers, along with high-speed internet connectivity have decreased the fitness levels in children. For instance, my niece prefers to stay home and play online games, rather to go out and play with kids in the neighbourhood. Unfortunately, this is the story of every house. Parents must take time to engage them in sports and other activities such as, dance and martial arts for overall physical and mental wellbeing. Finally, the lifestyle issues of poor diet and lack of fitness are major reasons for obese children. Public health agencies should campaign about healthy living and arrange awareness camps in local health centers and schools for better results.
Obesity is a serious issue
often
ignored
by most
people
. An Increase in the number of obese
children
in the strongest economies of the world is of growing concern. This essay will discuss few causes and effects of this pressing situation.

Firstly
, the major reason for gaining weight
is imbalanced
diet.
Fast
paced work culture has
changed
our food habits, and
often
kids
are served
with
fast
foods with high
fat
content.
Moreover
, vegetables and fruits are becoming least
favourite
of
children
. According to the
world health organization
, six of every ten
children
are obese in the
developed countries
, and imbalanced diet was one among the other reasons.
Sadly
, gaining
a lot of
weight at a
very
young age may cause chronic diseases. The
government
agencies
must
take necessary actions to increase public awareness about healthy diet and arrange a
good
balanced diet in schools.

Secondly
, sedentary lifestyle of young
people
due to modern electronics, decrease the physical activity, while increasing the body weight. Easy access to electronics such as smart phones, tablets and computers, along with high-speed internet connectivity have decreased the fitness levels in
children
.
For instance
, my niece prefers to stay home and play online games,
rather
to go out and play with kids in the
neighbourhood
. Unfortunately, this is the story of every
house
. Parents
must
take time to engage them in sports and other activities such as, dance and martial arts for
overall
physical and mental
wellbeing
.

Finally
, the lifestyle issues of poor diet and lack of fitness are major reasons for obese
children
. Public health agencies should campaign about healthy living and arrange awareness camps in local health centers and schools for better results.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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