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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problemfor wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer, andinclude any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experie v.16

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problemfor wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. 16
Urban country' s lifestyle leads young generation towards obesity as; wealth allows inhabitants to buy whatever they desire. However, this purchasing power has enormous consequences on children' s health life. Further in this easy I would discus causes and effects. Modern life is grabbed by unlimited desires though, everyone wishes to reach, and for this people are busy in earning money. At present era people do not have much time to spend in kitchen and, prepare healthy and hygienic food for their love-ones. Hence, they preferred to choose ready-made food items. Simultaneously, children are more attracted to fast food such as pizza, burger and sandwiches which are unhealthy for long-term use. Thus, people do not have time but, may have enough money to spend on expensive unhealthy diet. Unhealthy habits provoke obesity consequently; children may have less immune power, weak cognitive skills and poor adaptability. For instance, in growing age child needs complete diet plan for healthy growth. Whereas, inorganic food does not fulfill their body and mental health need as a result, health issues may occur i. e. many inorganic food companies products are available in market which are only fulfill food desire but not health need. Such weaknesses do not allow our generation to expel and in long-run would not have a healthy society. Aforementioned discussion needs attention to overcome this problem. In this regard parents need to play their significant role so that we could completely beat this issue form the root cause and may give healthy habits to our adolescence. If young blood is healthy then would have a strong nation ahead.
Urban
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s lifestyle leads young generation towards obesity as; wealth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
inhabitants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
whatever they desire.
However
, this purchasing power has enormous consequences on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
in this easy I would
Did you mean the verb "discuss" (= talk about something)?
discus
causes and effects.

Modern life
is grabbed
by unlimited desires though, everyone wishes to reach, and for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are busy in earning money. At present era
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have much time to spend in kitchen and, prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and hygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
-ones.
Hence
, they preferred to choose ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items.
Simultaneously
, children are more attracted to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as pizza, burger and sandwiches which are unhealthy for long-term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to spend on expensive unhealthy diet.

Unhealthy habits provoke obesity
consequently
; children may have less immune power, weak cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and poor adaptability.
For instance
, in growing age child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
complete diet plan for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
growth. Whereas, inorganic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
does not fulfill their body and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues may occur
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inorganic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
products are available in market which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fulfill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
desire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. Such weaknesses do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
our generation to expel and in long-run would not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society.

Aforementioned discussion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
attention to overcome this problem. In this regard parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to play their significant role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we could completely beat this issue form the root cause and may give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
habits to our adolescence. If young blood is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
then would have a strong nation ahead.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problemfor wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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