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In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. WHY has this change occurred? DO you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v.12

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. WHY has this change occurred? DO you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 12
Nowadays, adolescents are inclining to spend the majority of time with their friends rather than their family members. Not only will this essay discuss the reasons for such trend to occur but it will also explain my reasons why I believe parents should forcibly make their children spend more time at home. The technological era and the fast paced world that people live in these days have made the gap between generations to grow large. To illustrate, youngsters usually opt to live in the virtual world of social media, such as Facebook, and electronic games, in which, they can find peers with mutual interests that they may not find with their family members. In addition, most of millennial parents work for extended hours in order to fulfill the needs of their families; therefore, they do not get free time to integrate themselves in their children’s lives. If the gap between fosters and children is large, the chances of children’s alienation will increase between them. In my perspective, being of a dire impact on all family members, parents ought to oblige the children to devote more time for family in order to bridge the mentioned gap. Firstly, children are more susceptible for negative social media peer pressure if they spend most of their time on the Internet without proper supervision, which may lead to deviation in their morals, as per several studies by human development specialists. Another impact, many hours staying away from parents can cause bonds between family members to weaken, and this may breed crime among children due to lack of guidance. To conclude, the widespread trend of children sparing more time with friends might be attributable to the distant in interests and lack of time, and I opine that forcing children to spend more time with their families is of utmost importance.
Nowadays, adolescents are inclining to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends
rather
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will this essay discuss the reasons for such trend to occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons why I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
forcibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.

The technological era and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in these days have made the gap between generations to grow large. To illustrate, youngsters
usually
opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the virtual world of social media, such as Facebook, and electronic games, in which, they can find peers with mutual interests that they may not find with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
In addition
, most of millennial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
work for extended hours in order to fulfill the needs of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
;
therefore
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to integrate themselves in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. If the gap between fosters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is large, the chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
alienation will increase between them.

In my perspective, being of a dire impact on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to oblige the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to devote more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in order to bridge the mentioned gap.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more susceptible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
social media peer pressure if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the Internet without proper supervision, which may lead to deviation in their morals, as per several studies by human development specialists. Another impact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours staying away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can cause bonds between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to weaken, and this may breed crime among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to lack of guidance.

To conclude
, the widespread trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
sparing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends might be attributable to the distant in interests and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and I opine that forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is of utmost importance.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. WHY has this change occurred? DO you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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