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Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and/or against keeping animals in zoos. v.4

Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and/or against keeping animals in zoos. v. 4
The curiosity of animal has never faded among the children, especially for those who are living in metropolises. The zoo seems to be a best way for them to learn about wild animals, therefore some peoples embrace the idea of keeping animals inside zoos. However, not everyone justifies the value of zoo. In this essay, we will discuss both side of compelling arguments. To begin with the opponents, they believe that zoos are no longer necessary in this technological era, basing on the reason that there are wide range of animals information available on internet. The Internet not only provide image but also video along with full description related to animals habitat and behavior. In addition, the images or videos video are in fact more realistic to reflect the natural environment as the animals are taken under micro camera and they do not aware that they were being watched, which is different from zoos where the animals are seemingly a display for the visitors. The people, on the other hand, believe that the functions of zoos are far beyond the educational purpose to our offspring, but to provide a shelter to many kinds of animals which are beyond extinction. Taking an example in China, the pandas which are one of the highly extinct animals among all the others have extremely slow surivial rate during earily age as most of the pandas are lack of ability to take care their offspring. Zoos in China not only provide a shelter and food to them, but also take care of their offspring with professional baby sister. Thanks to their tremendous effort on pandas, the number of pandas is increasing in recent years. From this prospective, zoos actually play an important role on saving animals. Even though zoos are no longer playing an crucial role on acquisition of animal knowledge, they have been transformed into other areas like animal protection. It is believable that the zoos will continue to stride on saving animals from extinction.
The curiosity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
has never faded among the children,
especially
for those who are living in metropolises. The zoo seems to be
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way for them to learn about wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
peoples embrace the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
inside zoos.
However
, not everyone justifies the value of zoo. In this essay, we will discuss both side of compelling arguments.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the opponents, they believe that zoos are no longer necessary in this technological era, basing on the reason that there are wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
information available on internet. The Internet not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide image
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
video along with full description related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
habitat and behavior.
In addition
, the images or videos video are in fact more realistic to reflect the natural environment as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are taken
under micro
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
camera and
they do not aware that they were being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from zoos where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
seemingly
a display for the visitors.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
on the other hand
, believe that the functions of zoos are far beyond the educational purpose to our offspring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to provide a shelter to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which are beyond extinction. Taking an example in China, the pandas which are one of the
highly
extinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
among all the others have
extremely
slow
Possible spelling mistake found.
surivial
rate during
Possible spelling mistake found.
earily
age as most of the pandas are lack of ability to take care their offspring. Zoos in China not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide a shelter and food to them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
take care of their offspring with professional baby sister. Thanks to their tremendous effort on pandas, the number of pandas is increasing in recent years. From this prospective, zoos actually play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role on saving animals.

Even though
zoos are no longer playing
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
crucial role on acquisition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
knowledge, they have
been transformed
into other areas like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protection. It is believable that the zoos will continue to stride on saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from extinction.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and/or against keeping animals in zoos. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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