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More and more young children have mobile phones. Some people say it is a goodthing for them, while others say it is a bad thing What is your opinion? v.3

More and more young children have mobile phones. Some people say it is a goodthing for them, while others say it is a bad thing What is your opinion? v. 3
We live in an age where mobile phones have significantly reduced the distance between people. As the worlds progress the need and use of technology will be increased as well. People have expressed their views pertaining to young children having mobile. I have highlighted some points in response to this view. Adolescence mind is an unprotected, which can be influenced by what they sense. Though negative ideas may not influence them initially, it can influence them after per-found exposure. These negative ideas can make them take up terrorism, resort to violent actions, usage of drugs, viewing unwanted sites and much more. In order to counteract this if parents could impart adequate knowledge and perception as to the abhorrent nature of various fields, young adults can be safe and can also influence their friends to do so. For Instance, my parents had shown how alcohol and drug usage changes a person and reduces the life span which has kept me away from them till now. Despite warning from parents’ kids may tend to visit some sites. Mobile has a feature where parents can track their kids through their phone. When young adults are aware that parents can track what their mobile, they will defiantly refrain from visiting such sites. Parents can block inappropriate sites also. This is a boon with countless advantages. Example, a kid from my neighborhood went missing, police were able to track the kid through the mobile location in their parents mobile. So, technology is a boon for parents. Mobile is a positive tool for parents to have control aver their children and guide them when required as they have shared their knowledge and tracked their mobile usage.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an age where mobile phones have
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the distance

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. As the worlds progress the need and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology will
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
be


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
increased
as well
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have expressed their views pertaining to young
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
children


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
having
mobile. I have highlighted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points in response to this view.

Adolescence mind is an unprotected, which can
be influenced
by what they sense.

Though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
may not influence them
initially
, it can influence them after

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
per-found
exposure. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them take up terrorism,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
resort


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
violent actions, usage of drugs, viewing unwanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and much more. In
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
order


to counteract this if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could impart adequate knowledge and perception as to

the abhorrent nature of various fields, young adults can be safe and can
also


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
influence
their friends to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
For Instance
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had shown how alcohol
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


drug usage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
a person and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the life span which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
me away

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
them till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Despite warning from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
may tend to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. Mobile has a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
feature


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
through their phone. When young adults
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
are


aware that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
what their mobile, they will
defiantly
refrain from visiting

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can block inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
also
. This is a boon with
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
countless


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
advantages
. Example, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
from my neighborhood went missing, police were able to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
track
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
through the mobile location in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
mobile.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, technology is a

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
boon
for parents.

Mobile is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
tool for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to have control aver their children and guide

Did you mean "Then"?
them
when required as they have shared their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracked
their mobile

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
usage
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more young children have mobile phones. Some people say it is a goodthing for them, while others say it is a bad thing What is your opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
23 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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