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Because most information about culture and history can be found on the internet today musems are not necessary To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Because most information about culture and history can be found on the internet today musems are not necessary v. 1
Some people think that the majority of data on culture and history of different civilizations might be found though Google site. Therefore, they believe that people may refuse to have museums. I completely disagree with this point of view, and I think that museums must remain as part of people' s life. Moreover, they complete humans' knowledge, which they get through the global network. First of all, museums are historical and cultural heritage. They keep knowledge of all existed civilizations and preserve artifacts. For instance, when man attends a museum, he may feel himself in that period of time. Any picture from the internet, could not give these emotions and feelings. It also helps to understand the current situation that is occurring now, because history is always repeated. That is why, I think that museums are necessary. Secondly, museums encourage children to study and know more. For example, Natural History Museum, which is situated in London, The United Kingdom, has various sections that reveal the history of life. Men can see human' s evolution, dinosaurs, space section and so on. Furthermore, all these exhibition sites motivate students to know more about science and history and comprehend mechanisms of the life cycle. All these facts prove the necessity of museums. To conclude, even if some people think that museums are not necessary, because of the development of the internet, that is not so. Museums are historic and cultural heritage, the instrument of education. I think that museums will exist even if they change their shape.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the majority of data on culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
civilizations might
be found
though Google site.
Therefore
, they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may refuse to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. I completely disagree with this point of view, and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
remain as part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s life.
Moreover
, they complete
Possible spelling mistake found.
humans&
#039; knowledge, which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through the global network.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are historical and cultural heritage. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
knowledge of all existed civilizations and preserve artifacts.
For instance
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
attends a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, he may feel himself in that period of time. Any picture from the internet, could not give these emotions and feelings. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation
that is
occurring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is always repeated.
That is
why, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are necessary.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
encourage children to study and know more.
For example
, Natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
, which
is situated
in London, The United Kingdom, has various sections that reveal the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s evolution, dinosaurs, space section and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Furthermore
, all these exhibition sites motivate students to know more about science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and comprehend mechanisms of the life cycle. All these facts prove the necessity of museums.

To conclude
, even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are not necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the development of the internet,
that is
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are historic and cultural heritage, the instrument of education. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will exist even if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their shape.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Because most information about culture and history can be found on the internet today musems are not necessary v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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