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More and more young children have mobile phones. Some people say it is good thing for them, while others say it is bad things. What is your own opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.1

More and more young children have mobile phones. Some people say it is good thing for them, while others say it is bad things. What is your own opinion? v. 1
Nowadays, mobile phone usage in the young one is getting increased day by day. Some people believe it’s important to have a phone for the teenagers, while, others think it’s not a necessity for them. While it is possible that mobile phones can badly impact the children at a young age, if not used carefully. This essay will discuss about reasons how mobile phones can interrupt a young one. In this fast world, we cannot see a teenager without a mobile device. Although, a kid learns from their parents, so we cannot blame our young ones doing the same. Parents should ensure that children use their cell phones for good purpose. For instance, in the newspaper there were lots of reports about the abuse of mobile phone in teenagers. At this early age, they don’t understand what is wrong or right, which can lead to these kind of troubles. In addition, there are studies conducted in Melbourne University, about the impact of mobile on teenagers, it shows 70% of child development is being impacted due to excessive usage of cell phones. With this we can understand that usage of phones can be more dangerous than expected. On the other hand, mobile phones can help the child to develop lots of cognitive skills. Nowadays, mobile phones not only can be used for calling or texting, but also can be used for child development. For example, there are lots of applications to students who grow technically and also mentally. There is an application for Indian students called ‘Biju’s App’, which is being used by young people who are writing entrance exam. This in turn is helping the students learn the mathematics in an easier way than the text book does. In other words, if parents can divert the kids in a correct way they can utilise it phones wisely. To recapitulate, mobile phones can be a curse nor it can be a blessing. Additionally, its parent’s duty to make sure children is using it for good purpose, rather than, making things complicated!
Nowadays, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
usage in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
one is getting increased day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, while, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s not a necessity for them. While it is possible that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
badly
impact the children at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age, if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
carefully
. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss reasons"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about reasons
how mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can interrupt a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
one.

In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
world, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
without a mobile device. Although, a kid learns from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we cannot blame our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones doing the same.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should ensure that children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
purpose.
For instance
, in the newspaper there were lots of reports about the abuse of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. At this early age, they don’t understand what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
or right, which can lead to
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of troubles.
In addition
, there are studies conducted in Melbourne University, about the impact of mobile on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
70% of child development is
being impacted
due to excessive usage of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. With this we can understand that usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.

On the other hand
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the child to develop lots of cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Nowadays, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for calling or texting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for child development.
For example
, there are lots of applications to students who grow
technically
and
also
mentally. There is an application for Indian students called ‘
Possible spelling mistake found.
Biju
’s App’, which is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are writing entrance exam. This in turn is helping the students learn the mathematics in an easier way than the text book does.
In other words
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can divert the kids
Consider replacing "in a correct way" with the adverb for "correct"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a correct way
they can
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
wisely
.

To recapitulate, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be a curse nor it can be a blessing.
Additionally
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
duty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure children is using it for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
purpose,
rather
than, making things complicated!
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more young children have mobile phones. Some people say it is good thing for them, while others say it is bad things. What is your own opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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