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The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? v. 3
The transformation of communication from physical to virtual has been yielded by the invent of cellular device. The increased use of cellular phone has its own advantages and disadvantages and I believe that advantages overweigh the disadvantages. Firstly, Portable devices such as cellular phones have transformed the physical communication into its virtual counterpart as business communications and meetings are conducted through emails and video conferencing respectively. People can stay in regular contact with their friends and families through video calls or simple phone calls overseas or in the same region. Moreover, people can talk to strangers using social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and snapchat. Secondly, Cellular phones have been playing a key role in earning money for people with special skills. For instance, people can make videos of their skills and can ear money by getting high number of streamers on YouTube. People also can sell their products online and make money which is more likely an online business. People of all ages can gain immense knowledge about anything around the world within fraction of seconds with the use of mobile phones with internet which makes world even smaller. In contrast, overuse of mobile phones has affected a physical communication among people and create more health issues such as eye strains and blurred vision. For instance, people from same family barely talk to each other and prefer to indulge more in their online life. As all the communications are taking place online, people have become more distant and sometimes that leads to the problems like stress and depression. However, these can be overcome by restricting usage of mobile phones and maintaining close contacts with family and friends. To conclude, balance between usage of mobile phones and social life can help to achieve the best out of technology and physical relations.
The transformation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
to virtual has
been yielded
by the
The word 'invent' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "invention"?
invent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cellular
device. The increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages and I believe that advantages
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the disadvantages.

Firstly
, Portable devices such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have transformed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
into its virtual counterpart as business communications and meetings
are conducted
through emails and video conferencing
respectively
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can stay in regular contact with their friends and families through video calls or simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
calls overseas or in the same region.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can talk to strangers using social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
snapchat
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have been playing a key role in earning money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
videos of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and can ear money by getting high number of streamers on YouTube.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
also
can sell their products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money which is more likely an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
business.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of all ages can gain immense knowledge about anything around the world within fraction of seconds with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
with internet which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
world even smaller.

In contrast
, overuse of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and create more health issues such as eye strains and blurred vision.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from same family
barely
talk to each other and prefer to indulge more in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
life. As all the communications are taking place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more distant and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
that leads to the problems like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression.
However
, these can
be overcome
by restricting usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and maintaining close contacts with family and friends.

To conclude
, balance between usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and social life can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to achieve the best out of technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
relations.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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