Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

More and more women go out to work. Is it the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? v.2

More and more women go out to work. Is it the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? v. 2
The rapid development of economy and society results in the significant improvement of women's social status. More and more women, confined to babysitting and chores previously, have stepped out of their family and become career women. But in the meantime, career women are confronted with considerable nuisances, one of which is baby caring. Women's participation in the employment contributes a great deal to the society. Thanks to the women's patience, warmth and carefulness, most women are employed as secretaries, nurses, consultants and babysitters. But due to the pressure from work and family, they cannot concentrate fully on their work. Some countries and governments adopted some active measures to resolve the contradiction, such as the policy of feasible working time, which renders women some freedom. However, this is not a radical solution. From my point of view, the government should subsidise women in baby caring and provide charge-free facilities and staff members to relieve women of their pressure. On the one hand, women can focus themselves on their work and study, with no distraction from their family and children. In return, factories and companies can benefit a lot from the practice of subsidiary, which exempts them from the losses caused by female absentees. On the other hand, children enjoy their right to the education. Many countries give priority to children's education, providing children with free elementary schooling, which not only popularises knowledge but also cultivates skilled talent for the society. Besides, the United Nations have issued relevant laws and regulations with a view to protecting children's educational right. To draw the conclusion, a government should spare no effort to relieve women of their burdens and shoulder the responsibility of children's education, which is not only a government's obligation but also people's appeal.
The rapid development of economy and society results in the significant improvement of women's social status. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, confined to babysitting and chores previously, have stepped out of their family and become career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the meantime, career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are confronted
with considerable nuisances, one of which is baby caring.

Women's participation in the employment contributes a great deal to the society. Thanks to the women's patience, warmth and carefulness, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are employed
as secretaries, nurses, consultants and babysitters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
due to the pressure from work and family, they cannot concentrate
fully
on their work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
adopted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
active measures to resolve the contradiction, such as the policy of feasible working time, which renders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
freedom.
However
, this is not a radical solution.

From my point of view, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in baby caring and provide charge-free facilities and staff members to relieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
of their pressure. On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can focus themselves on their work and study, with no distraction from their family and children. In return, factories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can benefit a lot from the practice of subsidiary, which exempts them from the losses caused by female absentees.
On the other hand
, children enjoy their right to the education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries give priority to children's education, providing children with free elementary schooling, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'popularises' is British English.
popularises
knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
cultivates skilled talent for the society.
Besides
, the United Nations have issued relevant laws and regulations with a view to protecting children's educational right.

To draw the conclusion, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spare no effort to relieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
of their burdens and shoulder the responsibility of children's education, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's obligation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's appeal.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more women go out to work. Is it the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts