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Over the past 50 years, young people have gained status and power but old people have lost. What is the cause and is it a good development or bad development? v.1

Over the past 50 years, young people have gained status and power but old people have lost. What is the cause and is it a good development or bad development? v. 1
The knowledge-based society witnessed great changes over the past decades. Many young people have taken the place of the old ones and gained political and financial power in the world. Bill Gates, the director of Microsoft, Tony Blaire, Prime Minister of Britain and Bush, President of the USA give us a vivid illustration. From my point of view, the trend is natural and inevitable. Young people are energetic and vigorous. Most of them have received formal education in university, where they acquired abundant knowledge and experience, which are quite essential to their future career. Compared with young people, old people's knowledge is outdated, which does not fit in with the development of the current society. Old people react more slowly than young people, who can always make quick judges and prompt decisions. Furthermore, young people are more open-minded than old people who have a tendency of conservation. Therefore, young people can adapt themselves to the changeable world more easily. Obviously, this trend brings about both advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, young leaders and powers can inject vigour and new hopes to the world, which not only benefits the development of the global economy but also establishes multilateral relation among the countries in the world. On the other hand, young people still lack adequate experience and skills to deal with sophisticated national problems and international relations. As a result, many young leaders in the world are often criticised for the lack of tactics by old people. Some young people are very radical when faced with trouble. They still have a lot of things to learn. Generally, old people should offer young guys opportunities to practice their abilities and talents. At the same time, young people should learn from old ones modestly and make themselves more admirable.
The knowledge-based society witnessed great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
over the past decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have taken the place of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and gained political and financial power in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Bill Gates, the director of Microsoft, Tony
Possible spelling mistake found.
Blaire
, Prime Minister of Britain and Bush, President of the USA give us a vivid illustration. From my point of view, the trend is natural and inevitable.

Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are energetic and vigorous. Most of them have received formal education in university, where they acquired abundant knowledge and experience, which are quite essential to their future career. Compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's knowledge
is outdated
, which does not fit in with the development of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
react more
slowly
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who can always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
quick judges and prompt decisions.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more open-minded than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a tendency of conservation.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can adapt themselves to the changeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
more
easily
.

Obviously
, this trend brings about both advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
leaders and powers can inject
Possible spelling mistake found.
vigour
and new hopes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefits the development of the global economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
establishes multilateral relation among the countries in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
lack adequate experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to deal with sophisticated national problems and international relations.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
leaders in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Possible spelling mistake. 'criticised' is British English.
criticised
for the lack of tactics by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
radical when faced with trouble. They
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things to learn.

Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
guys opportunities to practice their abilities and talents. At the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should learn from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
modestly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves more admirable.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Over the past 50 years, young people have gained status and power but old people have lost. What is the cause and is it a good development or bad development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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