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Write a letter to your local council about the state of the sport club facilities and request more facilities suitable for people of your age. - Describe your sport club facilities. - What facilities are required? - Explain why people of your age need these v.1

Write a letter to your local council about the state of the sport club facilities and request more facilities suitable for people of your age. - Describe your sport club facilities. - What facilities are required? - Explain why people of your age need these v. 1
Many people choose their jobs based on the size of the salary offered. Personally, I disagree with the idea that money is the key consideration when deciding on a career because I believe that other factors are equally important. On the one hand, I agree that money is necessary in order for people to meet their basic needs. For example, we all need money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most people consider it a priority to at least earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. If people chose their jobs based on enjoyment or other non-financial factors, they might find it difficult to support themselves. Artists and musicians, for instance, are known for choosing a career path that they love, but that does not always provide them with enough money to live comfortably and raise a family. Nevertheless, I believe that other considerations are just as important as what we earn in our jobs. Firstly, personal relationships and the atmosphere in a workplace are extremely important when choosing a job. Having a good manager or friendly colleagues, for example, can make a huge difference to workers’ levels of happiness and general quality of life. Secondly, many people’s feelings of job satisfaction come from their professional achievements, the skills they learn, and the position they reach, rather than the money they earn. Finally, some people choose a career because they want to help others and contribute something positive to society. In conclusion, while salaries certainly affect people’s choice of profession, I do not believe that money outweighs all other motivators.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
based on the size of the salary offered.
Personally
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the key consideration when deciding on a career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is necessary in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs.
For example
, we all need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it a priority to at least earn a salary that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
based on enjoyment or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
non-financial factors, they might find it difficult to support themselves. Artists and musicians,
for instance
,
are known
for choosing a career path that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that does not always provide them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
and raise a family.

Nevertheless
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
considerations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as what we earn in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Firstly
, personal relationships and the atmosphere in a workplace are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manager or friendly colleagues,
for example
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge difference to workers’ levels of happiness and general quality of life.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
feelings of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from their professional achievements, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they learn, and the position they reach,
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they earn.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose a career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others and contribute something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to society.

In conclusion
, while salaries
certainly
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
choice of profession, I do not believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
outweighs all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
motivators.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Write a letter to your local council about the state of the sport club facilities and request more facilities suitable for people of your age. - Describe your sport club facilities. - What facilities are required? - Explain why people of your age need these v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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