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More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v.4

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 4
Owing to human activities, many species of wild animals are struggling to survive. This had driven many of them to the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. There are several reasons for this. On the bright side, there are also certain measures that we can take to resolve this problem. The main cause of extinction of the wild animals is deforestation which is done to facilitate the expansion and development of urban areas. Due to this, wild animals lose their natural habitat and this puts their lives at risk. Many of them are forced to wander into villages for food. However, since they pose a threat to people’s lives and property, they are often killed. Excessive poaching is another reason for the extinction of many wild animals. They are killed for the production of luxury goods such as leather bags, shoes and fur coats. There are several measures that the government and the public can take to undo the damage done to wildlife. First and foremost, the government should launch nationwide campaigns to sensitise people about the importance of conserving wildlife. In addition, there should be strict laws to prevent poaching. The media and the activists can also contribute their bit. They should discourage people from buying products made of animal skin or fur. To conclude, human activities such as deforestation and mindless hunting are the major reasons for the extinction of wildlife. By enacting strict laws that stop or at least reduce deforestation and poaching, wild animals can be saved from the brink of extinction.
Owing to human activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are struggling to survive. This had driven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them to the verge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
are on the endangered list. There are several reasons for this. On the bright side, there are
also
certain measures that we can take to resolve this problem.

The main cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is deforestation which
is done
to facilitate the expansion and development of urban areas. Due to this, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
lose their natural habitat and this puts their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them
are forced
to wander into villages for food.
However
, since they pose a threat to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and property, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
killed. Excessive poaching is another reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. They
are killed
for the production of luxury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
such as leather bags, shoes and fur coats.

There are several measures that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the public can take to undo the damage done to wildlife.
First
and foremost, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should launch nationwide campaigns to
Possible spelling mistake. 'sensitise' is British English.
sensitise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the importance of conserving wildlife.
In addition
, there should be strict laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
poaching. The media and the activists can
also
contribute their bit. They should discourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from buying products made of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
skin or fur.

To conclude
, human activities such as deforestation and mindless hunting are the major reasons for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of wildlife. By enacting strict laws that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
or at least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
deforestation and poaching, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can
be saved
from the brink of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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