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Many children are encouraged to do part time work by their parents? Agree or disagree v.1

Many children are encouraged to do part time work by their parents? Agree or disagree v. 1
It is believed that most of the children are persuaded by their parents to do any part time work. The primary advantage of working as a part time for children is to get financial help for their studies which minimize the overburden of parents for paying their tuition fees and The main disadvantage is that they may get distracted from their studies which can have a devastating consequences on their future. To begin, taking a part time job will make them to become better adept to financial management in the future. Since they are the only one to manage their money, they can easily prioritize the things to buy. As education is very expensive at present times, students can contribute to their tuition fees by doing any part time job. This, in turn, will lessen the burden on their parents. Last but not the least, these part time jobs may provide vocational training and real time experience for children, which helps students to secure a good job after their studies. To exemplify, a recent survey conducted by the placement cell presents that placement rate is higher in those students who already have part time job experience along with their studies. On the flip side, part time work can divert the mind of students from education and they lean more towards money. Additionally, the hectic schedule of work and job make them stressful and they get haywire while trying to balance between job and work. Consequently, their exam grades get effected. Furthermore, they are not mature enough to choose the right company, there is a high probability that they may fall in bad company at their workplace. In conclusion, Although working part time can help students to overcome the financial burden from their studies, it makes difficult for them to maintain a proper balance between work and education
It
is believed
that most of the children
are persuaded
by their parents to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. The primary advantage of working as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for children is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
which minimize the overburden of parents for paying their tuition fees and The main disadvantage is that they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
which can have a devastating
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "consequence"?
consequences
on their future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to become better adept to financial management in the future. Since they are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one to manage their money, they can
easily
prioritize the things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. As education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive at present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can contribute to their tuition fees by doing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This, in turn, will lessen the burden on their parents. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
may provide vocational training and real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
experience for children, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to secure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. To exemplify, a recent survey conducted by the placement cell presents that placement rate is higher in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who already have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
experience along with their studies.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can divert the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
they lean more towards money.
Additionally
, the hectic schedule of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stressful and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
haywire while trying to balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Consequently
, their exam grades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
effected.
Furthermore
, they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to choose the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, there is a high probability that they may fall in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
at their workplace.

In conclusion
, Although working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to overcome the financial burden from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
difficult for them to maintain a proper balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and education
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Many children are encouraged to do part time work by their parents? Agree or disagree v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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