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More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in a foreign country. Do the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks? v.1

More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in a foreign country. Do the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks? v. 1
It is true that the number of students who decide to study abroad is increasing. I believe that learning in a different country would be beneficial for students for some reasons. Admittedly, studying abroad may bring disadvantages. Firstly, living abroad means that the individuals have to independent enough to solve all their problems by themselves. This can be extremely difficult for young students who are away from their parents for the first time. Secondly, living abroad forces people to have intense interactions with people from totally different backgrounds who have distinct languages and habits that can be stressful for some people who usually live in homogeneous cultural society. The state which individuals are unable to adjust their behaviour to fit in the new place is called cultural shock that might fail their study if it happens in a long period. However, studying overseas gives some benefits. Students who pursue their degree from different countries have more skills to offer in workplaces, such as language skills and adaptation skills. They have important competencies that most multinational companies look for so that they are more likely to be accepted in the companies compared to their peers who receive their degree from a local university. Furthermore, studying abroad enhances individuals ability to view problems more comprehensive as the results of a long term of understanding different cultures; therefore they are able to provide a more creative solution. To sum up, despite some risks that students have to deal during their studies, I personally view that pursuing education abroad would bring more advantages than the negative impact.
It is true that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decide to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is increasing. I believe that learning in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
country would be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

Admittedly
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
may bring disadvantages.
Firstly
, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
means that the individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to solve all their problems by themselves. This can be
extremely
difficult for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are away from their parents for the
first
time.
Secondly
, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
forces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have intense interactions with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
backgrounds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have distinct languages and habits that can be stressful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in homogeneous cultural society. The state which individuals are unable to adjust their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to fit in the new place
is called
cultural shock that might fail their study if it happens in a long period.

However
, studying overseas gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
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Students
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who
pursue their degree from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to offer in workplaces, such as language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and adaptation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
competencies that most multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
look for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are more likely to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
compared to their peers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
receive their degree from a local university.
Furthermore
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
enhances individuals ability to view problems more comprehensive as the results of a long term of understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures;
therefore
they are able to provide a more creative solution.

To sum up, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal during their studies, I
personally
view that pursuing education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
would bring more advantages than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in a foreign country. Do the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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