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More and more students are choosing to study at college and universities in foreign countries. Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks? v.1

More and more students are choosing to study at college and universities in foreign countries. Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks? v. 1
In the contemporary era, the trend of going abroad to study is progressing at an exponential pace. The education plays an imperative role to build a successful career. Therefore, students are going to foreign for doing best education with advance technology. It has both positive and negative impact, but I personally believe that it has more advantages rather than its drawbacks. Many students are selecting foreign universities to build a good career, it has a plethora of benefits. Students learn a lot of things while living in abroad, firstly, they become more independent such as they are responsible for cleaning rooms, laundry, cooking, pay electricity bills and rent. The foreign government also provides some working hours for students. So, they can earn some money for living expenses. Secondly, student can broaden their horizons by moving into foreign countries. There are many people living in abroad who are belong to different cultures, so that students can learn about their languages, cultures and gain knowledge about them. Finally, many foreign universities provide better courses for students. They can get better job opportunities with good wages by studying at good Universities. On the other side, it can be irrefutable that it has some negative aspects as well. When students are studying in a foreign country they may face some difficulties. The main problem is a language barrier, if the student is not good in communication skills, then they may find difficulties to survive in their community. Furthermore, some children are missing their family and it can lead to depression that may be put bad impact on their study. Many students face problems with paperwork like refusing visa applications, to find suitable accommodation and paying their bills. So, this may also add more pressure on students and interrupt their studies. To recapitulate, it is undeniable that the study at abroad has own benefits and drawbacks. Despite of all its disadvantages, I believe that it has more advantages therefore young people should be encouraged to study in foreign countries.
In the contemporary era, the trend of going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is progressing at an exponential pace. The education plays an imperative role to build a successful career.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are going to
It seems that a verb is missing in front of the adjective "foreign".
foreign
for
A determiner is probably missing here: "doing the best".
doing best
education with advance technology. It has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
believe that it has more advantages
rather
than its drawbacks.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are selecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
universities to build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
career, it has a plethora of benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things while living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
,
firstly
, they become more independent such as they are responsible for cleaning rooms, laundry, cooking, pay electricity bills and rent. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
working hours for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money for living expenses.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can broaden their horizons by moving into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
countries. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
who are
Consider using a past participle here: "belonged".
belong
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn about their languages, cultures and gain knowledge about them.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
universities provide better courses for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better job opportunities with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
wages by studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Universities.

On the other side, it can be irrefutable that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects
as well
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are studying in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
country they may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties. The main problem is a language barrier, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
in communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, then they may find difficulties to survive in their community.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children are missing their family and it can lead to depression that may
be put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
face problems with paperwork like refusing visa applications, to find suitable accommodation and paying their bills.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and interrupt their studies.

To recapitulate, it is undeniable that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits and drawbacks.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
all its disadvantages, I believe that it has more advantages
therefore
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
countries.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay More and more students are choosing to study at college and universities in foreign countries. Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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