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Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility to university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility to university difficult. v. 3
The education system over the years has incorporated several guidelines for admission into schools, especially the tertiary schools to ensure that only the best candidates are admitted. As a result, it has become challenging for both the wealthy and poor who fail to meet the admission criteria to gain entrance irrespective of financial status. Apart from meeting the academic criteria for admission there is also the challenge of available facilities such as space and available lecturers. As a result intake is limited to available accommodation and lecturers to ensure that certain standards are upheld. For instance, in University of Toronto, the average number of students who gain admission annually is approximately 300 out of about roughly 600 individuals who apply. Certain criteria are used to carefully select individuals with very high grades into different faculties in order to maintain high educational standard and produce individuals that will contribute to the development of the society In Nigeria, for example, entrance examinations into tertiary institutions are organised by the Joint university examination Board for every prospective tertiary level candidate. Those that their grade meet the cutoff point for university and course of choice are invited for interview by the university for further screening. Admission is subject to success at all stages of the screening Without these restrictions several people irrespective of financial status will easily gain access to any school of their choice. In view of the above, I agree with the view that both the affluent and the poor face the same difficulty in gaining access to university education
The education system over the years has incorporated several guidelines for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
into schools,
especially
the tertiary schools to ensure that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the best candidates
are admitted
.
As a result
, it has become challenging for both the wealthy and poor who fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
criteria to gain entrance irrespective of financial status.

Apart from meeting the academic criteria for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
there is
also
the challenge of available facilities such as space and available lecturers.
As a result
intake
is limited
to available accommodation and lecturers to ensure that certain standards
are upheld
.
For instance
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Toronto, the average number of students who gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
annually
is approximately 300 out of about roughly 600 individuals who apply. Certain criteria are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
carefully
select individuals with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high grades into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
faculties in order to maintain high educational standard and produce individuals that will contribute to the development of the society

In Nigeria,
for example
, entrance examinations into tertiary institutions are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
by the Joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
examination Board for every prospective tertiary level candidate. Those that their grade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the cutoff point for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and course of choice
are invited
for interview by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for
further
screening.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Admission
is subject to success at all stages of the screening

Without these restrictions several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
irrespective of financial status will
easily
gain access to any school of their choice.

In view of the above, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that both the affluent and the poor face the same difficulty in gaining access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility to university difficult. v. 3

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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