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International travel brings benefits to travelers and countries visited, but it also causes problems for the environment. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? Give your own opinion and relevant examples. v.1

International travel brings benefits to travelers and countries visited, but it also causes problems for the environment. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? Give your own opinion and relevant examples. v. 1
All developing countries require a lot of money to grow in various vital sectors such as education and medical services. Some people are of the opinion that providing financial aid to these countries can help them develop. However, others believe providing and investing in businesses can facilitate an increase in the economy of developing nations. I personally agree that funding can aid countries in the process of becoming developed nations. To begin with, providing money to developing countries can help them spend it appropriately in their areas of concerns. In other words, every country has various under performing sectors and several profitable sectors. For example, India is a fertile land so the agriculture sector makes a good profit to its income, whereas the health services sector requires a lot of work to cope up with nation's demand. Therefore, financial aid can provide flexibility for countries to spend funds according to their requirements. On the contrary, many are in favour of an alternate approach of investing or providing businesses. This means that the developed nations can either provide fresh businesses to developing countries or they can even invest in the existing businesses of the growing countries. For example, Japan is collaborating with the Indian government to introduce 'Bullet train' concept, so that the condition of railway sector improves in India. Such actions will boost infrastructure and employment opportunities in a developing country, but also contributes to the economy of the investing country. To conclude, although investing or providing businesses can speed up an existing sector, but a loss incurring sector requires an ample amount of finance to stabilize and become a booming one. Therefore, providing financial aid to developing countries is definitely a positive course of action.
All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to grow in various vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
such as education and medical services.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that providing financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop.
However
, others believe providing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investing
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
can facilitate an increase in the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
nations. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that funding can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the process of becoming developed nations.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, providing money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them spend it
appropriately
in their areas of concerns.
In other words
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has various under performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
and several profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
.
For example
, India is a fertile land
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the agriculture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profit to its income, whereas the health services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work to cope up with nation's demand.
Therefore
, financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
can provide flexibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to spend funds according to their requirements.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of an alternate approach of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investing
or providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
. This means that the developed nations can either provide fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or they can even invest in the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
of the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, Japan is collaborating with the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to introduce 'Bullet train' concept,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the condition of railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
in India. Such actions will boost infrastructure and employment opportunities in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contributes to the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investing
country.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investing
or providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speed up
an existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a loss incurring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
requires an ample amount of finance to stabilize and become a booming one.
Therefore
, providing financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
course of action.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay International travel brings benefits to travelers and countries visited, but it also causes problems for the environment. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? Give your own opinion and relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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