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More and more people want to buy famous brands with clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v.1

More and more people want to buy famous brands with clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 1
An increasing number of people prefer to live a high standard life such as wearing branded clothes and buying luxury cars to make them feel rich class. I will discuss some of the reasons for this trend and how it has a positive impact on an individual and society. First of all, because of the high level of job in a reputed organization which gives them good salaries, as a result, they prefer to buy branded clothes such as Armani, Luis, and Nike to meet the standards with people working around. Moreover, it helps to build good self-esteem and makes an individual feel satisfied. Secondly, International car brands entering a country will provide better innovative technology such as an electric car which will eliminate harmful gases such as CO2 and methane gas from vehicles and have better quality and standards to choose. For an instant, people are becoming more environment-friendly that produce less fume and prefer vehicle from German manufacturing companies which will not only produce less fume but also have better facilities in the car There are positive developments such as it increases their value in society as far as they tend to buy things in limit at the time this requirement becomes excess than needed. Additionally, it provides growth in the country's economy when new brands enter it gives a lot of good sign of development and globalization as two nations are joining hands together to build a relationship with each other and will benefit them. For example, brands like Addidas, Shein, and Apple not only provide choices to option but also job opportunities to local. In conclusion, the advantages of people preferring brands is due to better quality and standards. However, there are negative impacts, but the advantages outweigh its drawbacks.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
life such as wearing branded clothes and buying luxury cars to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons for this trend and how it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on an individual and society.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high level of job in a reputed organization which gives them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salaries,
as a result
, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
branded clothes such as Armani, Luis, and Nike to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working around.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
self-esteem and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an individual feel satisfied.
Secondly
, International car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
entering a country will provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
innovative technology such as an electric car which will eliminate harmful gases such as CO2 and methane gas from vehicles and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
to choose. For an instant,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more environment-friendly that produce less fume and prefer vehicle from German manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
produce less fume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
facilities in the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
car


There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
developments such as it increases their value in society as far as they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things in limit at the time this requirement becomes
Use "(excess)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
excess
than needed.
Additionally
, it provides growth in the country's economy when new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
enter it gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of development and globalization as two nations are joining hands together to build a relationship with each other and will benefit them.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Addidas
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shein
, and Apple not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide choices to option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
job opportunities to local.

In conclusion
, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
is due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the advantages outweigh its drawbacks.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people want to buy famous brands with clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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