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More and more people nowadays are buying tickets for sports and cultural events. Is it good or bad? Give your opinion? v.2

More and more people nowadays are buying tickets for sports and cultural events. Is it good or bad? Give your opinion? v. 2
The wider popularity of sports and cultural events is directly proportional to the purchasing power of an individual, and nowadays every person on earth sets up a separate budget for spending on various cultural events as well as sports activities because of their good in hand incomes. It is argued that people are increasingly buying tickets for sports and cultural events which I believe is praiseworthy in relation to both fitness a well as community grounds. The following paragraphs will discuss how it is beneficial for any country? To embark with Undoubtedly sports play a very significant role in everybody' s life. Although it involves two opponents playing against each other, it also gives way to the crowd coming together to cheer for the player representing their nation and this also boosts his/her morale to perform well. A recent study from the international Olympics authority found that the success of any player has a direct connection with the support of his audience and their cheerful support. Cultural events, on the other hand, brings the community together that involves celebrations of various traditions of a particular economy, moreover, it inculcates good ethics in any individual' s life. Furthermore, such events are organized to educate people about a particular country' s festivals and religious beliefs. For instance, India celebrates the festival of Diwali in October and it is followed by 10 days of cultural events and programmes to educate people of the Indian community about its history and why it is being celebrated. To put in a nutshell, I pen down saying that both sports and cultural events have their own separate roles to play and both involve the integration of people for their nation. Sports give a lot of leisure and happening atmosphere whereas cultural events provide sense of togetherness among people towards their beliefs. In my opinion, I believe this thinking of people is commendable and is also beneficial for any nation on socio-economic grounds.
The wider popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is
directly
proportional to the purchasing power of an individual, and nowadays every person on earth sets up a separate budget for spending on various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in hand incomes. It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
increasingly
buying tickets for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
which I believe is praiseworthy in relation to both fitness a well as community grounds. The following paragraphs will discuss how it is beneficial for any country?

To embark with
Undoubtedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
everybody&
#039; s life. Although it involves two opponents playing against each other, it
also
gives way to the crowd coming together to cheer for the player representing their nation and this
also
boosts his/her morale to perform well. A recent study from the international
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "Olympics'" or "Olympic's"?
Olympics
authority found that the success of any player has a direct connection with the support of his audience and their cheerful support.

Cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
on the other hand
, brings the community together that involves celebrations of various traditions of a particular economy,
moreover
, it inculcates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ethics in any
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s life.
Furthermore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are organized
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about a particular
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s festivals and religious beliefs.
For instance
, India celebrates the festival of Diwali in October and it
is followed
by 10 days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the Indian community about its history and why it is
being celebrated
.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down saying that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
separate roles to play and both involve the integration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their nation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
leisure and happening atmosphere whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
provide sense of togetherness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards their beliefs. In my opinion, I believe this thinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is commendable and is
also
beneficial for any nation on
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economic
grounds.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people nowadays are buying tickets for sports and cultural events. Is it good or bad? Give your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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