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More and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? what are the possible solutions? v.1

More and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? what are the possible solutions? v. 1
It is argued that these days many individuals are in competition with the youngster for the same post in a department. The main problem associated with this cause is increased unemployment among adolescent and the most viable solution is early retirement for aged people. The principal problem associated with this is it leaves many youngsters jobless. Many old people are experienced enough to get appointed for any post because the employers prefer to appoint a person with an enormous experience rather than inducting a naïve with no experience who has to start from scratch. The result of this often leads to the staggering number of youngsters deprived of a blue-collar job. For example, a survey conducted on job advertisements by the California University scholars found that 70% of the posts require 5-10 years’ experience for a well-paid job due to which approximately half of the young people remain jobless. To tackle this problem the government should reduce the retirement age for the employees and provide them old-age benefits such as medical and monthly stipend. In other words, this plan could ensure old aged about their future security and they can spend their rest of the life with contentment, thus they do not have to rush for the job to make both ends meet. As a result, this will leave enough room for the young people in the job market and eventually it will reduce unemployment among youth. For example, a similar initiative in Japan resulted in a 52% decrease in competition among more and less experienced persons. To conclude, many people strive with the youngsters to secure the same place in the job market which raises the evil of joblessness in adolescents in the society; however, it can be addressed through the government reforms on retirement plan about the old staff.
It
is argued
that these days
many
individuals are in competition with the
youngster
for the same post in a department. The main problem associated with this cause
is increased
unemployment among adolescent and the most viable solution is early retirement for aged
people
.

The principal problem associated with this is it
leaves
many
youngsters jobless.
Many
old
people
are experienced
enough
to
get
appointed for any post
because
the employers prefer to appoint a person with an enormous experience
rather
than inducting a naïve with no experience who
has to
start
from scratch. The result of this
often
leads to the staggering number of youngsters deprived of a blue-collar
job
.
For example
, a survey conducted on
job
advertisements by the California University scholars found that 70% of the posts require 5-10 years’ experience for a well-paid
job
due to which approximately half of the young
people
remain jobless.

To tackle this problem the
government
should
reduce
the retirement age for the employees and provide them
old
-age benefits such as medical and monthly stipend.
In other words
, this plan could ensure
old
aged about their future
security and
they can spend their rest of the life with contentment,
thus
they do not
have to
rush for the
job
to
make
both ends
meet
.
As a result
, this will
leave
enough
room for the young
people
in the
job
market and
eventually
it will
reduce
unemployment among youth.
For example
, a similar initiative in Japan resulted in a 52% decrease in competition among more and less experienced persons.

To conclude
,
many
people
strive with the youngsters to secure the same place in the
job
market which raises the evil of joblessness in adolescents in the society;
however
, it can
be addressed
through the
government
reforms on retirement plan about the
old
staff.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? what are the possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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