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It is impossible to help people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is impossible to help people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. v. 2
Many people believe that governments budgets should not spend on helping people in other countries and just expense for their own countries. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this view. On the one hand, the country’s budget used for their citizen with the priority is necessary. Firstly, the main source of one country budget derived from tax of their citizen so its expenditure should meet their citizen basicness at least. For example, education, environment, healthy are three main fields must be ensured. Secondly, investing in the country by their own country’s budget is also the way ensured that this budget will be generated. However, on the other hand, I believe that spending money from country’s budget on helping people in the world is must thing do. First of all, it is a common humanity which everybody must have. We are living in the one earth, sharing one atmosphere, having one ancestor so we should help people who lack the basicness of life as a moral responsibility. Although there are many international relief organizations and charities in the world such as UNICEF, Red Cross but they can not assist all people without helping of other countries. Furthermore, helping all people in the world is also the way we help ourselves. Since this activity will make global economy increase steadily which effect on every country directly. If one country is not helping people who in poorer condition, maybe in the future citizen of their country will fall in the same condition and have no assistance from other countries. In conclusion, although one country has many problems to tackle in their country; however, I believe that they should spend one part of their budget on helping people in in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budgets
should not spend on helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
expense for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In my opinion, I
totally
disagree with this view.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
with the priority is necessary.
Firstly
, the main source of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
derived from tax of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
its expenditure should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
Possible spelling mistake found.
basicness
at least.
For example
, education, environment, healthy are three main fields
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be ensured
.
Secondly
, investing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
is
also
the way ensured that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
will
be generated
.

However
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that spending money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
on helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Did you mean the verb "think"?
thing
do.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is a common humanity which everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have. We are living in the one earth, sharing one atmosphere, having one ancestor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who lack the
Possible spelling mistake found.
basicness
of life as a moral responsibility. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international relief organizations and charities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
such as UNICEF, Red Cross
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can not assist all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without helping of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Furthermore
, helping all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is
also
the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
ourselves. Since this activity will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
global economy increase
steadily
which effect on every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
directly
. If one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is not helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who in poorer condition, maybe in the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will fall in the same condition and have no assistance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

In conclusion
, although one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems to tackle in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
;
however
, I believe that they should spend one part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
on helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay It is impossible to help people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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