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More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why? Who benefit from this, the community or these young people? v.1

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why? Who benefit from this, the community or these young people? v. 1
It is true that the young in developed countries tend to do some part-time voluntary work to help people in developing ones. Reasons for this vary, and I believe that the trend is beneficial to both the community and these youngsters. There are several reasons why in industrialized countries, the young generation favors devoting their spare time to volunteer as teachers or builders in underdeveloped countries. Developing countries are in need of help from developed ones in dealing with economic difficulties and poor education. Young people in wealthy nations, who have money and strength, can give considerable support such as raising money for charity or building houses for people living in poverty. Many young people also help to improve environmental problems in many poor countries through waste removal projects. Besides, in advanced nations, as young people having high social welfare, they can spend time on other things besides making money and they often prefer travel, encounter people from all over the world and help the poor. Personally, I contend that the trend described above can offer both the community and participants obvious advantages. The positive effect on the community is that poor countries can improve their living standards. Young people from developed countries can provide many low-income households with financial support such as voluntary donations and promote a substantial number of children's literacy by educating them. Meanwhile, youngsters can look to gain practical experience. While engaging in voluntary activities, they can meet people, make friends and learn new skills namely leadership or communication skills, which play a major role for young people to succeed in life. In conclusion, I personally believe that the trend is advantageous to both the community and young people at the same time.
It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
tend to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part-time voluntary work to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Reasons for this vary, and I believe that the trend is beneficial to both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and these youngsters.

There are several reasons why in industrialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation favors devoting their spare time to volunteer as teachers or builders in underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are in need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in dealing with economic difficulties and poor education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in wealthy nations, who have money and strength, can give considerable support such as raising money for charity or building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in poverty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
environmental problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
through waste removal projects.
Besides
, in advanced nations, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having high social welfare, they can spend time on other things
besides
making
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
prefer travel, encounter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the poor.

Personally
, I contend that the trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above can offer both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and participants obvious advantages. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is that poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standards.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
low-income households with financial support such as voluntary donations and promote a substantial number of children's literacy by educating them. Meanwhile, youngsters can look to gain practical experience. While engaging in voluntary activities, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
namely
leadership or communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which play a major role for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to succeed in life.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that the trend is advantageous to both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the same time.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why? Who benefit from this, the community or these young people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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