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More and more people buy a wide range of household goods such astelevision, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is a positive ornegative development? v.2

More and more people buy a wide range of household goods such astelevision, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is a positive ornegative development? v. 2
With the development of technology, people are now owning more goods for their home. Although this development is beneficial to manufacturers and the economy, I think in the long run, it would be harmful to the environment. It is reasonable why this trend is considered temporarily positive. The fact that many people are buying household goods can be interpreted as more and more people are investing their effort in their families. This conveys a positive social message, that the overall living standards are improving and that families are spending more time together, hence the demand for household equipment. Secondly, this trend will expand the market, which is beneficial to manufacturers. However, in the long run, this consumption trend can be negative. Buying numerous household goods is one of the many forms of excessive consumerism. When people are affected by excessive consumerism, their priorities in life will be distorted. Instead of focusing on using their own existing goods, they will have an urge to buy and own more goods. This development is not positive for the environment. Owning more products means using up more natural resources. Also, when people want to replace owned products, they will dispose large amounts of waste. There is scientific evidence showing that discarded household appliances are very harmful when disposed to the environment in large quantities. The development of this shopping trend of many people might seems to benefit the economy at first glance. However, in the long run, this development will leave negative impacts on the environment. Therefore, people should understand where to draw the line between investing effort in their family, and affecting the environment.
With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
owning more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
for their

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
home
. Although this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is beneficial to manufacturers and the economy,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
I


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
think
in the long run, it would be harmful to the environment.

It is reasonable why this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is considered
temporarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. The fact that
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
many


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are buying household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
can
be interpreted
as more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
investing
their effort in their families. This conveys a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
social message, that
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


overall
living standards are improving and that families are spending more time together,

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
hence
the demand for household equipment.
Secondly
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
will expand the market,

which is beneficial to manufacturers.

However
, in the long run, this consumption
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. Buying
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
numerous


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forms of excessive consumerism. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
are


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
affected
by excessive consumerism, their priorities in life will
be distorted
.
Instead
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


focusing on using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, they will have an urge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
more

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
goods
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for the environment. Owning more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
products


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
means
using up more natural resources.
Also
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to replace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
products
, they will dispose large amounts of waste. There is scientific evidence
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
showing


that discarded household appliances are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful when disposed to the environment

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
large quantities.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of this shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might seems to benefit the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
economy
at
first
glance.
However
, in the long run, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
impacts
on the environment.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should understand where to draw the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
line
between investing effort in their family, and affecting the environment.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people buy a wide range of household goods such astelevision, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is a positive ornegative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
22 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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