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More and more people buy a wide range of household goods such astelevision, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is a positive ornegative development? v.1

More and more people buy a wide range of household goods such astelevision, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is a positive ornegative development? v. 1
Nowadays, Numerous ex-convicts commit other criminal cases soon after they have been discharged from the penitentiary. This essay will Discuss the main reasons why this is happening and then describe the possible effects of the problem. In my opinion, the primary cause of ex-prisoners committing crimes as soon as they are out of jail is because they think that this could be the fastest way to earn money. Having a criminal record means that it is hard to find employment, which means that ex-jailbird cannot find appropriate jobs. Most companies would be very hesitant to hire someone who has a criminal report, even the person might have the right skills for the position. For example, the local government of Jakarta in 2019 reported that 99% of employers would not hire an employee if they had committed criminal offences. On the other hand, the possible effects of this has a disadvantageous effect on society, because new offences will be committed and the citizen will keep paying for these criminals. This will also indicate the need to have bigger prisons to accommodate prisoners, which furthermore affects the budget of a city. If more prisons are required, taxes will rise and the community will pay for these people to stay confinement. For example, in 2019, the Jakarta City reported that they allocated 40 million rupiah to extend their city jails, and this was funded by the citizen. To sum up, the lack of opportunities for ex-convicts to restart their lives is the reason why they tend to commit the same mistakes. It is mainly caused due to there are No workplaces for ex-convicts. In addition, the result of this effect is boundless only for the individual, but for the whole country as well, for this can affect the economic stability.
Nowadays, Numerous ex-convicts commit other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
cases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
after they have
been discharged
from the penitentiary. This essay
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
will


Discuss the main reasons why this is happening and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the possible effects of the problem.

In my opinion, the primary cause of ex-prisoners committing crimes as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they are out of jail is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this could be the fastest way to earn money. Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
record means that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find employment, which means that ex-jailbird cannot find appropriate jobs. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hesitant to hire someone who has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
report, even the person might have the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the position.
For example
, the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Jakarta in 2019 reported that 99% of employers would not hire an employee if they had committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.

On the other hand
, the possible effects of this has a disadvantageous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
new
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
will
be committed
and the citizen will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
paying for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. This will
also
indicate the need to have bigger prisons to accommodate prisoners, which
furthermore
affects the budget of a city. If more prisons
are required
, taxes will rise and the community will pay for these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to stay confinement.
For example
, in 2019, the Jakarta City reported that they allocated 40 million rupiah to extend their city jails, and this
was funded
by the citizen.

To sum up, the lack of opportunities for ex-convicts to restart their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is the reason why they tend to commit the same mistakes. It is
mainly
caused due to there
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
are


No workplaces for ex-convicts.
In addition
, the result of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
is boundless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the individual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the whole country
as well
, for this can affect the economic stability.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people buy a wide range of household goods such astelevision, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is a positive ornegative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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