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Many people are using mobile phone and computers to communicate. Therefore, people are losing the ability to communicate with each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Many people are using mobile phone and computers to communicate. Therefore, people are losing the ability to communicate with each other face to face. v. 2
Discussing about using mobile phones and computers are becoming popular at present. Some people prefer using cell phones and computers to keep in touch with together, while others believe that technology does not bring the real world by face to face to communicate. In my opinion, I agree with using cell phones and computers comfortably more than. Nowadays, using technology play an important role in everyday lives because there are so many benefits that cell phones and computers as a powerful tool which can bear many advantages for our survival. In the beginning, mobile phones and computers have revolutionized the way we communicate. For example, most overseas students who away from their home always use cell phones to get touch with their family, their friends, and colleagues by making a video call or maybe send a text message with them, owing to people can conduct contact with each other whenever they want and can avoid their homesick. Secondly, there are many companies apply technology into their business. For instance, they can conduct their business meeting by video messaging to connect with their workers. Furthermore, most shops online used to cell phones to chatting with their customers because it is more convenient and faster to use. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against benefits of using technology to speak with each other; I believe that using cell phones and computers is one of the best ways to connect with anybody.
Did you mean simply "Discussing using"? You do not need the word "about" here.
Discussing about using
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and computers are becoming popular at present.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and computers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with together, while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
does not bring the real world by
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "face to".
face to face to
communicate. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and computers
comfortably
more than.

Nowadays, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and computers as a powerful tool which can bear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for our survival. In the beginning, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and computers have revolutionized the way we communicate.
For example
, most overseas students who away from their home always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
touch with their family, their friends, and colleagues by making a video call or maybe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a text message with them, owing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can conduct contact with each other whenever they want and can avoid their homesick.
Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
apply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
into their business.
For instance
, they can conduct their business meeting by video messaging to connect with their workers.
Furthermore
, most shops online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to chatting with their customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more convenient and faster to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

In conclusion
, there are convincing arguments both for and against benefits of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to speak with each other; I believe that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and computers is one of the best ways to connect with anybody.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are using mobile phone and computers to communicate. Therefore, people are losing the ability to communicate with each other face to face. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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