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Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of treatment their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility. Discus both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevan v.1

Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of treatment their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility. Discus both views and give your opinion. 1
It is a widely held belief that computers are the biggest invention of the mankind. The rising power of computers and artificial intelligence over humans is shockingly amazing. Some people consider it as a positive phenomena, it is not a trend without drawbacks. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin before any conclusion can be drawn. Firstly, our lives are totally dependent on computers and artificial intelligence, for example, mobile phones, laptops, vehicles, escalators etc. Even the security of the country is totally dependent on artificial intelligence. We can't become the nuclear power without robots and other robotic technology. Computers are more intelligent than humans and can solve any problem that humans can't, with more accuracy and at higher speed. Also, computers lack "consciousness" which is beneficial for humans, for example, they lack emotions and the human touch. It was humans who invented them with their theories and intelligence, they must have found a way to destroy them, if required. Secondly, day by day we are becoming slaves of the technology. With the advancement of the latest technology and new inventions, this dependency on computers is on the rise. Can you even think of one single activity in your daily routine, without using technology? Its scary how robots and computers are overtaking us and this is the reason of lower IQs among the new generation. If robots gain consciousness and become more intelligent, they will surely going to evolve on this earth. Furthermore, a lot of swapping has been done by robots, for example, nobody these days prepare accounts manually, its all automatic programmes on computers. To conclude, I believe that this is the important development of the human race. We can't progress without the help of latest technology. However, over dependence on anything can be dangerous. So, a number of strong measures must be implicated to control computers to a certain limit.
It is a
widely
held belief that computers are the biggest invention of the mankind. The rising power of computers and artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
is
shockingly
amazing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider it as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "phenomenon"?
phenomena
, it is not a trend without drawbacks. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion can
be drawn
.

Firstly
, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
totally
dependent on computers and artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
,
for example
, mobile phones, laptops, vehicles, escalators etc. Even the security of the country is
totally
dependent on artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
. We can't become the nuclear power without robots and other robotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Computers are more intelligent than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and can solve any problem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can't, with more accuracy and at higher speed.
Also
, computers lack
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
consciousness
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
which is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
,
for example
, they lack emotions and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
touch. It was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
who invented them with their theories and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have found a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
them, if required.

Secondly
, day by day we are becoming slaves of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. With the advancement of the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and new inventions, this dependency on computers is on the rise. Can you even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of one single activity in your daily routine, without using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
? Its scary how robots and computers are overtaking us and this is the reason of lower
Possible spelling mistake found.
IQs
among the new generation. If robots gain consciousness and become more intelligent, they will
surely
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "go"
going
to evolve on this earth.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
swapping has
been done
by robots,
for example
, nobody these days prepare accounts
manually
, its all automatic
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on computers.

To conclude
, I believe that this is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race. We can't progress without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
However
, over dependence on anything can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a number of strong measures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be implicated
to control computers to a certain limit.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of treatment their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility. Discus both views and give your opinion. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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