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More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by modern life style which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicines should be encouraged. To what extent do you agree? v.3

More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by modern life style which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicines should be encouraged. v. 3
Sedentary lifestyle and high levels of stress have given rise to myriad health issues. There are people who suggest that traditional medicines can solve many of these concerns and therefore we should go back to them. I completely agree with this view. In my opinion, traditional medicine holds the key to cure diseases that cannot be cured by modern medicine without any reactions. Firstly, modern ways of living and working has created an environment of excessive stress and pressure, especially among people living in metropolitan cities. Lack of sufficient physical activities and frequent consumption of processed foods has a very harmful effect on the body. As a result, humans become more prone to chronic diseases like cancer and diabetes, which are very difficult to cure, if not diagnosed correctly in the initial stages. For instance, brain and liver cancer are still incurable by allopathy and there is no breakthrough solution in sight yet. In addition to this, a recent survey in China, stated that the occurrences of these diseases are uncommon among people who follow a healthy lifestyle and consume natural herbs and roots. It is, therefore, no surprise that some people have started advocating a switch from allopathy to Ayurveda and acupuncture due to their proven history of treating major diseases without any side effects. This is because ancient medicinal systems treat diseases by attacking the root of the problem and heals the patient in a holistic manner. To illustrate a point, a substance found in the root of turmeric plant has been clinically proven to be effective at attacking the cancer cells leaving aside the good cells. By contrast, modern techniques like chemotherapy have dangerous side effects. To conclude, I believe that the absence of side effects and the ability to treat a person in a holistic manner makes traditional medicines more effective at curing health problems caused by the modern lifestyle.
Sedentary lifestyle and high levels of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to myriad health issues. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suggest that traditional medicines can solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these concerns and
therefore
we should go back to them. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. In my opinion, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
holds the key to cure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that cannot
be cured
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
without any reactions.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
ways of living and working has created an environment of excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure,
especially
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in metropolitan cities. Lack of sufficient physical activities and frequent consumption of processed foods has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful effect on the body.
As a result
, humans become more prone to chronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like cancer and diabetes, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to cure, if not diagnosed
correctly
in the initial stages.
For instance
, brain and liver cancer are
still
incurable by
Possible spelling mistake found.
allopathy
and there is no breakthrough solution in sight
yet
.
In addition
to this, a recent survey in China, stated that the occurrences of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are uncommon among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who follow a healthy lifestyle and consume natural herbs and roots.

It is,
therefore
, no surprise that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
advocating a switch from
Possible spelling mistake found.
allopathy
to Ayurveda and acupuncture due to their proven history of treating major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
without any side effects. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
ancient medicinal systems treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
by attacking the root of the problem and heals the patient
Consider replacing "in a holistic manner" with the adverb for "holistic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a holistic manner
. To illustrate a point, a substance found in the root of turmeric plant has been
clinically
proven to be effective at attacking the cancer cells leaving aside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cells. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
techniques like chemotherapy have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
side effects.

To conclude
, I believe that the absence of side effects and the ability to treat a person
Consider replacing "in a holistic manner" with the adverb for "holistic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a holistic manner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
traditional medicines more effective at curing health problems caused by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
lifestyle.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by modern life style which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicines should be encouraged. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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