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More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems overreliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least ine possible solution. v.7

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems overreliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least ine possible solution. v. 7
At the present time, computers have become an indispensable teaching tool in schools across the globe. This essay will focus on the advantages and disadvantages of this gift of technology to mankind and as far as my opinion is concerned, computers should be mandatory in every education field in order to make the individuals use the latest technology to learn and grow. On one hand, the major plus point of learning through a computer is that it facilitates audio-visual learning that facilitates much better understanding instead of doing it through books and a blackboard. It provides narration through recorded tapes on each topic in any subject by illustrating it through diagrams, charts and graphs which have proved to be an effective way to teach as students find it interesting and a fun way to learn. For instance, many studies in the UK have shown that a greater number of students are inclined towards learning by using smart boards rather than the traditional way because it helped them to retain their basic concepts for a longer period and with higher clarity. Therefore, computers are essential equipment which needs to be installed in every school. One the other hand, using computers for studies does take a toll on their health as well and serves as a major drawback. Students who are taking up computer lessons in school get habituated to them and they would naturally start using it at home too. As a result, excessive work on the computer can be harmful to the eyes and may result in weak eyesight which further could be a cause of development of migraine and other issues like dry eyes and blurred vision. Furthermore, teenagers often misuse the freedom of the internet which was supposed to be used for educational purposes only. They get distracted with online games, texting, Social Media and even could get involved in watching pornographic content. For instance, if a child does any other task alongside studying, then he might end up wasting a lot of time resulting in lower scores. Thus, the usage must not be left unattended or it may harm their academia. In conclusion, although the usage of modern learning methods seems intimidating, the disadvantages of such technological marvels clearly outweigh the advantages.
At the present time, computers have become an indispensable teaching tool in schools across the globe. This essay will focus on the advantages and disadvantages of this gift of technology to mankind and as far as my opinion
is concerned
, computers should be mandatory in every education field in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the latest technology to learn and grow.

On one hand, the major plus point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
a computer is that it facilitates audio-visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
that facilitates much better understanding
instead
of doing it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
books and a blackboard. It provides narration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
recorded tapes on each topic in any subject by illustrating it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
diagrams, charts and graphs which have proved to be an effective way to teach as students find it interesting and a fun way to learn.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies in the UK have shown that a greater number of students
are inclined
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
by using smart boards
rather
than the traditional way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to retain their basic concepts for a longer period and with higher clarity.
Therefore
, computers are essential equipment which needs to
be installed
in every school.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, using computers for studies does take a toll on their health
as well
and serves as a major drawback. Students who are taking up computer lessons in school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
habituated to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they would
naturally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using it at home too.
As a result
, excessive work on the computer can be harmful to the eyes and may result in weak eyesight which
further
could be a cause of development of migraine and other issues like dry eyes and blurred vision.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
misuse the freedom of the internet which
was supposed
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for educational purposes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted with online games, texting, Social Media and even could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in watching pornographic content.
For instance
, if a child does any other task alongside studying, then he might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up wasting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time resulting in lower scores.
Thus
, the usage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unattended or it may harm their academia.

In conclusion
, although the usage of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
methods seems intimidating, the disadvantages of such technological marvels
clearly
outweigh the advantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems overreliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least ine possible solution. v. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
375 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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