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More and more people are relying on their private cars as a major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution. v.1

More and more people are relying on their private cars as a major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution. v. 1
Private means of transportation is becoming increasingly popular. A lot of people these days prefer to transport themselves in their personal vehicles. Too much dependence on private cars can lead to laziness, as well as the inability to function properly in social situations. There are quite a number of solutions, however, government incentives and counselling of individuals are possible solutions. First and foremost, the use of public transport has dwindled over the years, as more and more people have purchased their own cars. Although, this development allows for convenience, it has robbed humans of the variety of ways to exercise, especially in this era of prolonged office hours. People no longer walk to catch a bus or the train. Furthermore, they tend to wake up late or procastinate because they drive themselves to their places of business. One way to tacke this obstacle, is the provision of state incentives for those who take public transport, in order to make it appealing to the society. For example, in Finland, the government allows fifty squats as a busfare to enable people exercise, as well as save cost. The number of people taking public transport rose by 40% after this initiative as most people found it exhilirating. Secondly, over-reliance on private cars reduces social interaction and limits the ability of people to function well in social gatherings. The occasional conversations on the subways, at the bus stops or even whilst walking affords us a little social interaction, which is difficult to get in this digital age. Furthermore, this pattern of transport tends to breed isolation. In addition, it can worsen climate change through air pollution for exhaust fumes. To deal with this problem, people should be counselled on the importance of human-human interaction. This can be done through social media platforms and the news. For instance, in 2015, the city of London began massive adverts to encourage people to take the bus instead of their cars to foster social relations. This reduced their sucide rates by almost 15%. In conclusion, the reliance on private cars as the main means of transportation is gaining grounds. Some of the dilemma that results from this are sedentary lifestyle and social isolation. The introduction of state incentives and counselling are ways to tackle this problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Private
means of transportation is becoming
increasingly
popular.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
themselves in their personal vehicles. Too much dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
can lead to laziness,
as well
as the inability to function
properly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
situations. There are quite a number of solutions,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
incentives and counselling of individuals are possible solutions.

First
and foremost, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
has dwindled over the years, as more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. Although, this development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
for convenience, it has robbed humans of the variety of ways to exercise,
especially
in this era of prolonged office hours.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
no longer walk to catch a bus or the train.
Furthermore
, they tend to wake up late or
Possible spelling mistake found.
procastinate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they drive themselves to their places of business. One way to
Possible spelling mistake found.
tacke
this obstacle, is the provision of state incentives for those who take public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it appealing to the society.
For example
, in Finland, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
fifty squats as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
busfare
to enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exercise,
as well
as
The word "save" is a verb. Did you mean the adjective "safe"?
save
cost. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
taking public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
rose by 40% after this initiative as most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
found it
Possible spelling mistake found.
exhilirating
.

Secondly
, over-reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction and limits the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to function well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gatherings. The occasional conversations on the subways, at the bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
or even whilst walking affords us a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction, which is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in this digital age.
Furthermore
, this pattern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
tends to breed isolation.
In addition
, it can worsen climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
through air pollution for exhaust fumes. To deal with this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be counselled
on the importance of human-human interaction. This can
be done
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media platforms and the news.
For instance
, in 2015, the
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
city of London
began massive adverts to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take the bus
instead
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to foster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relations. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
sucide
rates by almost 15%.

In conclusion
, the reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
as the main means of transportation is gaining grounds.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
dilemma that results from this are sedentary lifestyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
isolation. The introduction of state incentives and counselling are ways to tackle
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay More and more people are relying on their private cars as a major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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