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In many countries, youngsters protest against the system by damaging public properties. Is this justified? v.1

In many countries, youngsters protest against the system by damaging public properties. Is this justified? v. 1
Being contended at workplace is considered to be significant by lots of people. However, in my opinion, I believe that youngsters should prefer monetary benefits that the new job is going to offer them, over the satisfaction at work due to various reasons. On the one hand, I can understand why a vast majority of people give significance to job satisfaction. They have reason to believe that firstly, contentment at workplace gives happiness to them, which leads to mental peace. These kinds of people are less prone to the problems like stress and high blood pressure. In a recent study by The Times, it has been proven that people, who are highly satisfied with their jobs, live a healthier and a longer life as compared to the people, who are not satisfied. Secondly, job satisfaction and productivity are directly and positively related. The more, the person is satisfied with the job, the higher is the productivity. Thus, job satisfaction leads to monetary benefits in the form of more wages and salaries as a result of increased productivity. On the other hand, I can understand why I believe monetary rewards to be a priority, for youngsters, over job satisfaction. One of the primary reasons for the same is the desire of young people to achieve their dreams. When a person first enters a new job, he has several dreams, for instance, a big car, own house, and it requires money to fulfil those desires. In addition to this, young age is the age to explore new opportunities and to gain maximum benefit of the same, which they are not able to do once they are settled or married in life. Hence, this is the time when they focus on the salary that job satisfaction. To conclude, while job satisfaction is significant to obtain mental peace and enhance productivity, I believe youngsters should focus on the monetary aspects of the job, because of the fulfilment of their dreams.
Being contended
at workplace
is considered
to be significant by lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, in my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that youngsters should prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
benefits that the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is going to offer them, over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
at work due to various reasons.

On the one hand, I can understand why a vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give significance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
. They have reason to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
firstly
, contentment at workplace gives happiness to them, which leads to mental peace. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less prone to the problems like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and high blood pressure. In a recent study by The Times, it has
been proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are
highly
satisfied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthier and a longer life as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are not satisfied.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
and productivity are
directly
and
positively
related. The more, the person
is satisfied
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, the higher is the productivity.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
benefits in the form of more wages and salaries
as a result
of increased productivity.

On the other hand
, I can understand why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
rewards to be a priority, for youngsters, over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
. One of the primary reasons for the same is the desire of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve their dreams. When a person
first
enters a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, he has several dreams,
for instance
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
car,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, and it requires money to fulfil those desires.
In addition
to this, young age is the age to explore new opportunities and to gain maximum benefit of the same, which they are not able to do once they
are settled
or married in life.
Hence
, this is the time when they focus on the salary that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction.

To conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is significant to obtain mental peace and enhance productivity, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
youngsters should focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
of their dreams.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, youngsters protest against the system by damaging public properties. Is this justified? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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