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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve the problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.6

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve the problems. v. 6
Nowadays, people are travelling a lot abroad to relax and spend quality time with their families. Tourism has increased a lot because of comfortable and affordable travelling. It is the prime duty of the visitors to not to provide any harm to the spots they are visiting. My essay explains different measures which should be taken care to retain the beauty of the spot. Firstly, tourism is increasing rapidly and it has become one of the source of income for many destination countries. Tourists need to show respect, patience and concern to the culture, tradition and civil laws must be the major responsibility. We need to follow the rules and regulations of that country in order to avoid any chaos. For instance, tourism demands people to follow the instructions carefully, prevent them from damaging the rare species. In short, tourists should do the things responsibly. Secondly, it is extremely important not to damage the natural beauty of the place by throwing thrash all around. Beauty of the beaches, hills and islands is very precious and should be maintained at any cost. In order to do this, people should be encouraged to use the public transport of that area instead of using private vehicles which causes more air pollution. Visitors should carefully handle the beauty of the area they are visiting. Finally, historical monuments and traditional sculptures represent the glorious heritage of specific culture so people should not spoil the grandeur of the ancient structures. It is commonly observed that some tourists scribble on the walls and some pierce the walls with sharp tools thus defacing them. People must stop other who try to spoil intentionally or unintentionally. To summarize, tourists should be more responsible and careful during their visits. The beauty of the place should be retained not damaged, it is the responsibility of the visitors to do the best to maintain the natural beauty.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are travelling a lot abroad to relax and spend quality time with their families. Tourism has increased a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of comfortable and affordable travelling. It is the prime duty of the visitors
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
provide any harm to the spots they are visiting. My essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
measures which should
be taken
care to retain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
of the spot.

Firstly
, tourism is increasing
rapidly
and it has become one of the source of income for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
destination countries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourists
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect, patience and concern to the culture, tradition and civil laws
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the major responsibility. We need to follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations of that country in order to avoid any chaos.
For instance
, tourism demands
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow the instructions
carefully
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from damaging the rare species. In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
should do the things
responsibly
.

Secondly
, it is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
not to damage the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
of the place by throwing thrash all around.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Beauty
of the beaches, hills and islands is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
precious and should
be maintained
at any cost. In order to do this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the public transport of that area
instead
of using private vehicles which causes more air pollution. Visitors should
carefully
handle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
of the area they are visiting.

Finally
, historical monuments and traditional sculptures represent the glorious heritage of specific culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not spoil the grandeur of the ancient structures. It is
commonly
observed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
scribble on the walls and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pierce the walls with sharp tools
thus
defacing them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
other who try to spoil
intentionally
or
unintentionally
.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
should be more responsible and careful during their visits. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
of the place should
be retained
not damaged, it is the responsibility of the visitors to do the best to maintain the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve the problems. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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