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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve the problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.10

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve the problems. v. 10
The problem of an increasing number of people suffering from obesity is of concern for the government and citizens. Some suggest increasing the price of fattening foods in order to address the problem. As for me, I believe there are other methods that can do a better job. Raising the price of junk food can certainly help to shape consumers’ eating habits in some extent. Firstly, consumers would seek alternative options over sugary and fast foods because of a limited budget. If the unhealthy foods, such as pizzas, burgers and soft drink cost too much, people would rather buy the cheap and health products so they can minimise the expense, which in turn modifies eating behaviours. Secondly, increasing the price of junk foods is one way to tell grocery industries to manufacture, for example, sugar-free drink and fat-free sandwich which concern people’s health conditions more. However, simply raising the price of junk foods cannot eliminate the problem because people who are favour of fries or chips will not change their dietary habits easily. Therefore, more methods are required to ease people’s weight problem. To start with, the government should consider investing money on fitness facilities. For example, building more fitness centres and sports stadiums will encourage people to do exercise. Physical activities significantly assist trainers to burn fat and calories inside their bodies, thereby effectively promoting activating lifestyles and reducing overweight problems. Besides that, professional counsellors should give advice on healthy diet to the general public so that people can pay attention to their dietary habits. To sum up, raising the price of unhealthy foods is not the only way to help obese people. The government should put more effort on the improvement of public facilities or services to solve people’s weight problems.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from obesity is of concern for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
suggest increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in order to address the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. As for me, I believe there are other methods that can do a better job.

Raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to shape consumers’ eating habits in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
Firstly
, consumers would seek alternative options over sugary and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a limited budget. If the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, such as pizzas, burgers and soft drink cost too much,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and health products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the expense, which in turn modifies eating
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Secondly
, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is one way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
grocery industries to manufacture,
for example
, sugar-free drink and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
-free sandwich which concern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health conditions more.

However
,
simply
raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
cannot eliminate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of fries or chips will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their dietary habits
easily
.
Therefore
, more methods
are required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider investing money on fitness facilities.
For example
, building more fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and sports stadiums will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do exercise. Physical activities
significantly
assist trainers to burn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and calories inside their bodies, thereby
effectively
promoting activating lifestyles and reducing overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Besides
that, professional
Possible spelling mistake. 'counsellors' is British English.
counsellors
should give advice on healthy diet to the
Consider using "public".
general public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pay attention to their dietary habits.

To sum up, raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put more effort on the improvement of public facilities or services to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve the problems. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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