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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that increasing the price of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree/disagree? v.4

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that increasing the price of fattening foods will solve this problem. v. 4
Owing to the fact that there is a growing trend in the level of obesity in the society, some people believe that the increment in the cost of fatty foods will eradicate the dilemma. In my opinion, I totally disagree because I believe that there are other factors such as genetic, way of life and nature of job that are also responsible and until all the factors are addressed, the problem will not be resolved. Firstly, there is a school of thought that believed that if fatness runs in the family, reducing fatty food intake will not curb the problem. However, medical advice has been given to such families to observe regular exercises. For instance, in a family where grandparents and all the children are obese, they will be put on certain diets which will mainly consist of vegetables. Another reason to consider is the nature of work an individual does. Research has proven that some work which are sedimentary are major causes of obesity. Hence, such employees are advised to take frequent breaks by talking a walk so as to control this. In conclusion, even though consumption of fatty foods is one of the major causes of overweight, other factors such as hereditary and work nature are also responsible and until all the factors are taken care of solution will not be achieved
Owing to the fact that there is a growing trend in the level of obesity in the society,
some
people
believe that the increment in the cost of fatty foods will eradicate the dilemma. In my opinion, I
totally
disagree
because
I believe that there are other
factors
such as genetic, way of life and nature of job that are
also
responsible and until all the
factors
are addressed
, the problem will not
be resolved
.

Firstly
, there is a school of
thought
that believed that if fatness runs in the family, reducing fatty food intake will not curb the problem.
However
, medical advice has been
given
to such families to observe regular exercises.
For instance
, in a family where grandparents and all the children are obese, they will
be put
on certain diets which will
mainly
consist of vegetables.

Another reason to consider is the nature of work an individual does. Research has proven that
some
work which are sedimentary are major causes of obesity.
Hence
, such employees
are advised
to take frequent breaks by talking a walk
so as to
control this.

In conclusion
,
even though
consumption of fatty foods is one of the major causes of overweight, other
factors
such as hereditary and work nature are
also
responsible and until all the
factors
are taken
care of solution will not
be achieved
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that increasing the price of fattening foods will solve this problem. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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