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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.8

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. v. 8
The overweight people are more regular seen everywhere, others said that it is better to raise the price of fattening foods, in which it could overcome this issue. However, I personally agree with this statement which will be discussed in this essay before a rational conclusion. This problem is one of a serious matter of health. First and foremost, the high price of fast food would confine them to buy anything what they want to eat. It is highly likely that the restriction of food shopping could reduce their much more daily consumption. When they do not buy various kinds of fattening food, for example, their diet could be controlled properly. Furthermore, the relation of economic cost and healthy eating are extremely strong, since, it is helpful to fulfil their food needs. Therefore, the policy maker also have to insist the seller of healthy foods to reduce its price and to increase the price of unhealthy foods. This would automatically lead them to shop the cheap item. On the other hand, the obese people would also try to manage their consumption, if the price of their fattening food becomes expensive. By means that they have to divide their money not only on food, but also to the other necessities. It means that the government has to change their focus onto the other things instead of food. Moreover, the level of health among society is one of the main important elements of government to control. Thereby, the cooperation between economic sectors and policy maker should be persistent in determining the price of fast food in their region. By way of conclusion, though, the instant foods are always provided by several markets, yet the price could be controlled well to reduce the vast majority of consumers, by giving them the high price. Besides, the lowering price of healthy food would be the best choice for keeping a stability health. As I would restate that controlling the economic cost, especially on food will support the over consumption of obese persons.
The overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
everywhere, others said that it is better to raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, in which it could overcome this issue.
However
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement which will
be discussed
in this essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a rational conclusion.

This problem is one of a serious matter of health.
First
and foremost, the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would confine them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything what they want to eat. It is
highly
likely that the restriction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shopping could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their much more daily consumption. When they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
various kinds of fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
for example
, their diet could
be controlled
properly
.
Furthermore
, the relation of economic cost and healthy eating are
extremely
strong, since, it is helpful to fulfil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
needs.
Therefore
, the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy maker
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
insist the seller of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
and to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. This would
automatically
lead them to shop the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
item.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
also
try to manage their consumption, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of their fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
becomes expensive. By means that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
divide their money not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
necessities. It means that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their focus onto the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Moreover
, the level of health among society is one of the main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
elements of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to control. Thereby, the cooperation between economic sectors and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy maker
should be persistent in determining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in their region.

By way of conclusion, though, the instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are always provided by several markets,
yet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
could
be controlled
well to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the vast majority of consumers, by giving them the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
.
Besides
, the lowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would be the best choice for keeping a stability health. As I would restate that controlling the economic cost,
especially
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will support the over consumption of obese persons.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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