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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that increasing the price of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.7

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that increasing the price of fattening foods will solve this problem. v. 7
In many countries around the world, a large number of people are facing obesity. It has been suggested that increasing the price of high fat foods are the solution for reducing the problem. I disagree with the given idea and in this essay I will provide some arguments to support my view. There are various reasons against the above mentioned solution. The most compelling reason for reducing overweight is that it is difficult to avoid consuming fattening food for people who addict its taste. Although the price of fast food is going up and becoming seriously obesity, their tongues welcome to taste it. For instance, a study showed that most people, not bothering about health, prefer McDonald food which contained saturated fat a lot. Moreover, another key argument in support of the solution to get rid of overweight is that introducing physical exercise for the people who are engaging in busy lifestyle is beneficial to overcome the obesity. For example, every physician's advice to the people to do more exercise to get the healthier life. Considering these facts, increasing the price of fattening foods is not the sole solution for overweight. On the other hand, the rising price of high fat foods encourages to decrease overweight problem in somewhat extent. Firstly, As a result, they seek to find alternative products to consume and tend to buy healthy food, which is not high cost. Because they have limited budgets. Therefore, it is easy to see why their argument has gained support. In conclusion, I disagree with the opinion that increasing the price of fattening food is the ideal solution to eliminate the overweight problem. Because engaging physical exercise aids to burn fatty oil and keep human being's body fit and healthy.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing obesity. It has
been suggested
that increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
for reducing the problem. I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and in this essay I will provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments to support my view.

There are various reasons against the above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
. The most compelling reason for reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
is that it is difficult to avoid consuming fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who addict its taste. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is going up and becoming
seriously
obesity, their tongues welcome to taste it.
For instance
, a study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, not bothering about health, prefer McDonald
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which contained saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
a lot.
Moreover
, another key argument in support of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
is that introducing physical exercise for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are engaging in busy lifestyle is beneficial to overcome the obesity.
For example
, every physician's advice to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do more exercise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the healthier life. Considering these facts, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is not the sole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
for overweight.

On the other hand
, the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
encourages
Did you mean "decreasing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
problem in somewhat extent.
Firstly
,
As a result
, they seek to find alternative products to consume and tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which is not high cost.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they have limited budgets.
Therefore
, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
why their argument has gained support.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the opinion that increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
to eliminate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
engaging physical exercise aids to burn fatty oil and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
human being's body fit and healthy.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that increasing the price of fattening foods will solve this problem. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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