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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price of fast foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price of fast foods will solve this problem. v. 2
Obesity is spreading amongst many individuals. It is commonly believed by a few people, that the cost of junk foods may resolve this issue. I admit, increasing the prices of such foods will not make them shift to healthier diet. My essay will elaborate more on the benefits and drawbacks of this. Firstly, Humans are gaining extra body mass at a fast pace. In particular, from all the fast foods that they consume regularly. For this reason, changing the prices of these consumable items will definitely make an impact. For instance, just last year food and drug authority in the United States of America increased the price of burger patties. As a result, there was a reduction in the intake of burgers. As people tend to avoid buying expensive meals. On the other hand, changing the cost of fast foods will not completely eliminate this crucial problem of overweight people. Unless people get educated on the consequences of obesity and the health benefits of dieting. Higher costs will deprive healthy folks of the luxury of buying junk foods. Moreover, exercising should be supplemented with this. For example, i burned more fat and lost weight by simply controlling the things i eat every day and with daily walking at the park. This was more beneficial for me. In conclusion, weight gain can only be controlled by a combination of things, which includes diet and jogging. Making food pricy will not resolve the problem of obesity.
Obesity is spreading amongst
many
individuals. It is
commonly
believed by a few
people
, that the cost of junk
foods
may resolve this issue. I admit, increasing the prices of such
foods
will not
make
them shift to healthier diet. My essay will elaborate more on the benefits and drawbacks of this.

Firstly
, Humans are gaining extra body mass at a
fast
pace.
In particular
, from all the
fast
foods
that they consume
regularly
.
For this reason
, changing the prices of these consumable items will definitely
make
an impact.
For instance
,
just
last year
food
and drug authority in the United States of America increased the price of burger patties.
As a result
, there was a reduction in the intake of burgers.
As
people
tend to avoid buying expensive meals.

On the other hand
, changing the cost of
fast
foods
will not completely eliminate this crucial problem of overweight
people
. Unless
people
get
educated on the consequences of obesity and the health benefits of dieting. Higher costs will deprive healthy folks of the luxury of buying junk
foods
.
Moreover
, exercising should
be supplemented
with this.
For example
,
i
burned more
fat
and lost weight by
simply
controlling the things
i
eat every day and with daily walking at the park. This was more beneficial for me.

In conclusion
, weight gain can
only
be controlled
by a combination of things, which includes diet and jogging. Making
food
pricy
will not resolve the problem of obesity.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price of fast foods will solve this problem. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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