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An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v.2

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 2
Online shopping is trending nowadays. The number of customers who buy their products online is rising. However, this phenomenon has both benefits and drawbacks. In this essay, I shall provide some facts and opinions related to this trend. On one hand, online shopping is beneficial for customers and society. For example, customers can choose the products freely without any influence from the seller. They also do not have to spend so much time and energy on picking those items. Another example is that people’s average income is increasing because they can become online sellers easily without having any physical stores. There are several market places such as Bukalapak, Tokopedia, Shopee, Alibaba, and so on that help them with selling their products online. Since it is not necessary for sellers to have academic degrees, this trend gives a chance for people who did not pursue higher education and furthermore it levels the social welfare up. On the other hand, online shopping has some drawbacks. For example, customers cannot directly check their purchased products. There are several cases in which customers get unmatched products as they are mentioned on the website. Some customers also complain that it is hard for them to claim warranties. Another disadvantage is that purchasing items online is not 100% safe. For example, it is reported that credit card scams and privacy violence happen to some customers. In conclusion, online shopping trend has positive impacts on helping customers with buying their products and sellers with selling their items easily. However, we have to concern about some potential threats, for instance, unmatched delivered products, credit card scams, and personal privacy violence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is trending nowadays. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is rising.
However
, this phenomenon has both benefits and drawbacks. In this essay, I shall provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facts and opinions related to this trend.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
and society. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
can choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
freely
without any influence from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seller
. They
also
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time and energy on picking those items. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s average income is increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sellers
easily
without having any physical stores. There are several market places such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bukalapak
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tokopedia
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shopee
, Alibaba, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with selling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. Since it is not necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sellers
to have academic degrees, this trend gives a chance for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who did not pursue higher education and
furthermore
it levels the social welfare up.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
cannot
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. There are several cases in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
unmatched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as they
are mentioned
on the website.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
also
complain that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to claim warranties. Another disadvantage is that purchasing items
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is not 100% safe. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, it
is reported
that credit card scams and privacy violence happen to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
customers.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
with buying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sellers
with selling their items
easily
.
However
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concern about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential threats,
for instance
, unmatched delivered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, credit card scams, and personal privacy violence.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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