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Nowadays, most people learn academic study at university, but others think we should encourage learning vocational skills more. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays, most people learn academic study at university, but others think we should encourage learning vocational skills more. v. 1
Whether university students should be given sheer theoretical knowledge has been debated in recent years. Although some argue that it is more necessary for young students to be equipped with vocational skills, I believe that both academic knowledge and vocational skills play important roles in their future. It is of great significance for students at the higher education stage to have a good understanding of the subjects they study. Obviously, one can become a professional only if he or she has a solid foundation of a field, and the cumulative academic study serves as the foundation. For example, a respected lawyer must be adept at all theoretical parts of his/her field, and only in this way can he apply what he/she learned in the career. Although the occupations as lawyers often credit more to their years of experience, no one can deny that it is the theory they learn at first that build the foundation of their career. However, the importance of vocational skills should never be ignored. We have to admit that real situations are more complex than those showed in theory, and no one can perform well with only academic parts at work. Therefore, acquiring vocational skills at school prepares students to solve real problems in their future work. These skills can range from interpersonal skills, communication skills to problem-solving skills. If the young know how to deal with those problems in their study, they will be more competitive than other peers. For instance, if a lawyer only cares about the theory in books, but overlooks the interaction with his clients, he might be seen as ineffective. In conclusion, academic knowledge helps people become professionals while job skills give the young practical techniques, so that students should have both courses at university.
“Whether” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whether
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
sheer theoretical knowledge has
been debated
in recent years. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it is more necessary for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
be equipped
with vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
knowledge and vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles in their future.

It is of great significance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at the higher education stage to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding of the subjects they study.
Obviously
, one can become a professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
if he or she has a solid foundation of a field, and the cumulative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
study serves as the foundation.
For example
, a respected lawyer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be adept at all theoretical parts of his/her field, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in this way can he apply what he/she learned in the career. Although the occupations as lawyers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
credit more to their years of experience, no one can deny that it is the theory they learn at
first
that build the foundation of their career.

However
, the importance of vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should never be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that real situations are more complex than those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in theory, and no one can perform well with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
parts at work.
Therefore
, acquiring vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
at school prepares
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to solve real problems in their future work. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can range from interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. If the young know how to deal with those problems in their study, they will be more competitive than other peers.
For instance
, if a lawyer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
cares about the theory in books,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
overlooks the interaction with his clients, he might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as ineffective.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become professionals while job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
give the young practical techniques,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have both courses at university.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Nowadays, most people learn academic study at university, but others think we should encourage learning vocational skills more. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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