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More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
Today’s children are spending too much time on using the technological devices. Many parents think that children should be allowed to play on computer, smart phones, and tablet is because that this is beneficial for the children to improve their technology skills. This essay will discuss why this idea has more downside effects on children then its benefits. The primary argument supporting this idea is that people think that the technology skills are important for their children’s future. In this era, the world is becoming more to rely on the technology. Countries and individuals are maintaining their existence because of the technological developments. The result of this is that people think these skills offer their children to find a job more easily in the future. However, it must be said that there are several harmful effects on the development of children. The major one is that lack of social skills may develop in children. They are spending more time online communication than that in person. This is because, they cannot make friends in the real life and even they cannot continue the friendships that already have. Secondly, this lifestyle may cause the children to be depressed and alienated because of lack of real relationships in the real world. The result of this might be that increasing of committing suicide among children, and even growth in the crime rates in many countries. Another one, these children are not aware of the real life and the responsibilities they have. They think that the real world is easy to live, and they will always maintain this lifestyle as in their children times. In conclusion, using of technological devices among children has benefits for their future life, however, I think that this approach can be much more harmful for the children and has more disadvantages than its advantages.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending too much time on using the technological devices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to play on computer, smart phones, and tablet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that this is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. This essay will discuss why this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
has more downside effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
then its benefits.

The primary argument supporting this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future. In this era, the world is becoming more to rely on the technology. Countries and individuals are maintaining their existence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the technological developments. The result of this is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
offer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to find a job more
easily
in the future.

However
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be said
that there are several harmful effects on the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The major one is that lack of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
may develop in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They are spending more time online communication than that in person. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life and even they cannot continue the friendships that already have.
Secondly
, this lifestyle may cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be depressed
and alienated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
relationships in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
world. The result of this might be that increasing of committing suicide among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and even growth in the crime rates in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. Another one, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life and the responsibilities they have. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
world is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, and they will always maintain this lifestyle as in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
times.

In conclusion
, using of technological devices among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has benefits for their future life,
however
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that this approach can be much more harmful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and has more disadvantages than its advantages.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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