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More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages v.10

More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages v. 10
There is no iota of doubt that, More and more parents are relying on computers and laptops to make their children learn new things. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to the children. However, a couple of problems emerge due to the same. The following paragraph's would cast light on the pros and cons of using technology for learning. On the one hand, there are a number of stunning benefits if pupils used the computer and tablet in daily routine. Firstly, now in this era in school will add to the computer subject to other curriculum owing to their well know in the future, it is very beneficial for pupils and provide better opportunities with which they will be earning high salary easily. For instance, in the 21st century, especially children, are connected more with the mechanics and helpful more to complete the school assignments, models, presentation and graphs. Moreover, researchers believe that pupils everyday about 3 to 4 hours spend on computer and tablet for entertainment with which they reduce the stress and anxiety. On the other hand, when mechanics totally did not fully develop since, children liked to spend hours with family members or friends and prefer is going to outside of sports activity. For example, children who played outdoor games regularly with which they always feel healthy and energetic. Secondly, there are a bunch of issue born if children used more technology like they spend more time on internet websites where sometimes they gain to the knowledgeable information which are enormously bad impact on happiest life, with them also like to spend time at home for the reason they become to obesity and unhealthy. In conclusion, the drawbacks of allowing children to use computers and tablets outweigh the benefits. While it may give parents more time, it could damage their mental and physical development. Therefore, effort should be made to minimize the latter one.
There is no iota of doubt that, More and more parents are relying on computers and laptops to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn new things. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, a couple of problems
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "emerges"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'emerge' is not always incorrect.)
emerge
due to the same. The following paragraph's would cast light on the pros and cons of using technology for learning.

On the one hand, there are a number of stunning benefits if pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the computer and tablet in daily routine.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in this era in school will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the computer subject to other curriculum owing to their well know in the future, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for pupils and provide better opportunities with which they will be earning high salary
easily
.
For instance
, in the 21st century,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
are connected
more with the mechanics and helpful more to complete the school assignments, models, presentation and graphs.
Moreover
, researchers believe that pupils
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
about 3 to 4 hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on computer and tablet for entertainment with which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.

On the other hand
, when mechanics
totally
did not
fully
develop since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
liked to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
hours with family members or friends and prefer is
There isn't usually a preposition before "outside". Did you mean "going outside"?
going to outside
of sports activity.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who played outdoor games
regularly
with which they always feel healthy and energetic.
Secondly
, there are a bunch of issue born if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more technology like they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more time on internet websites where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they gain to the knowledgeable information which are
enormously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on happiest life, with them
also
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
time at home for the reason they become to obesity and unhealthy.

In conclusion
, the drawbacks of allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers and tablets outweigh the benefits. While it may give parents more time, it could damage their mental and physical development.
Therefore
, effort should
be made
to minimize the latter one.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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