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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? v.15

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 15
It is often said that people who work in the entertainment industry such as movie stars, musicians, and sports stars are being overpaid. This essay discusses why I think they are paid too much money and then I will describe other occupations that I think should receive higher salaries. The main reason I strongly feel that the salaries are too high is that the entertainers’ income does not reflect the amount of work they do. For instance, a top star movie like Angelina Jolie can easily make one million dollars by acting in a single film. This amount may never be reached by many people during their life, no matter how hard working they are. In addition, if we base a person’s income, according to their relative contribution to community the incomes of entertainers seem too high. This is because entertainment is not as important to our society as much as other fields such as science and technology. There are other professions that deserve to be paid more for their work. More specifically, people like doctors who make a big contribution towards well-being of patients should be rewarded more. Since doctors can save lives and give people hope, they should receive a high amount to reflect the meaningful contributions they make. Another type of occupation deserving of a good salary is teachers who have a huge responsibility to contribute to the education of the next generation seem to be underpaid. Surely people we entrust with such a task should be rewarded accordingly. In conclusion, I reiterate my strong belief that entertainers are overpaid as they do not offer anything greater than other people who are working in other industries. It is advocated that people who make a significant contribution to humanity, such as medical practitioners and teachers should be rewarded appropriately. I recommend that steps should be taken to address this disparity.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in the entertainment industry such as movie stars, musicians, and sports stars are being overpaid. This essay discusses why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they
are paid
too much money and then I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
occupations that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
should receive higher salaries.

The main reason I
strongly
feel that the salaries are too high is that the entertainers’ income does not reflect the amount of work they do.
For instance
, a top star movie like Angelina Jolie can
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
one million dollars by acting in a single film. This amount may never
be reached
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
during their life, no matter how
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
they are.
In addition
, if we base a person’s income, according to their relative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
to community the incomes of entertainers seem too high. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
entertainment is not as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to our society as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields such as science and technology.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions that deserve to
be paid
more for their work. More
specifically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
towards well-being of patients should
be rewarded
more. Since doctors can save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hope, they should receive a high amount to reflect the meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contributions
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
. Another type of occupation deserving of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary is teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a huge responsibility to contribute to the education of the
next
generation seem to be underpaid.
Surely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
we entrust with such a task should
be rewarded
accordingly
.

In conclusion
, I reiterate my strong belief that entertainers are overpaid as they do not offer anything greater than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
industries. It
is advocated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
to humanity, such as medical practitioners and teachers should
be rewarded
appropriately
. I recommend that steps should
be taken
to address this disparity.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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